DISCLAIMER: The following poem is dedicated to everyone who has grown sick and tired of all the attention that the book Fifty Shades of Grey and its subsequent motion picture by Universal Studios have received and continue to receive in the media. If you are reading this and happen to like any of the books in E.L. James’s Fifty Shades trilogy for one reason or another, please do not take offense to this post. As for everyone else—particularly those of you who HATE Fifty Shades with a burning passion and do not understand why it has become so popular over the years, considering what it effectively represents—I hope the poem offers some sort of catharsis. After all, while I do not care for this franchise at all and thus do not wish to draw any further attention to it, especially on the grounds of angering certain people, I myself have been pushed to the point where I feel the need to voice my opinion about this particular book series, which even I myself cannot defend as an author in my own right for reasons that have already been explained by countless other detractors. Truth be told, I feel as though I probably should have written this poem QUITE some time ago. At any rate, though, should any of you disagree with what I say here, let us at least agree to disagree.
Thank you for your time and consideration, everyone.
Fifty Shades of Corruption
February 11, 2015
Countless voices never to be heard,
No matter the wisdom of their words,
No matter the matter of which they speak,
For they’ve been buried six feet deep
‘Fore anyone chanced to learn who they were.
Meanwhile, the Media’s wretched curs
All turn their attention—ours as well—
To cheap, blatant smut from the pits of Hell.
Next thing we all know, visions of lust
And perversion haunt every last one of us,
Flooding the Mainstream like feces in a river,
Breaking apart so that the ‘Stream delivers
Unto the masses a beverage so foul
That it rots people’s brains, hearts, and bowels,
Leaving us all sick in one way or another
From skanky sisters and horny brothers
To cousins already so jaded from their lack
Of hope in humanity, they’ve turned their backs
On the one industry once safe from such sin.
Now look at the trouble the market’s in:
Talented people leading various lives—
Sons, daughters, dads, moms, husbands, and wives—
Being denied the privileges of a dream
Solely ‘cause their work doesn’t fit the ‘Stream’s
Now-corrupted sense of what makes a buck,
Making those in charge wish them, “Best of luck!”
And kick them hard ‘tween the legs and in the ass
Just so they can turn to those of little class—
If any at all—and hand them the key.
Now their messages run amok, you see,
Distorting our sense of sensibility
To the point where there’s no hope for you or me
Or anyone else to hear our cry
Of how the Morals of Old have died
And how our old values we’ve cast aside
In the name of the baseness that smugly hides
In the hearts of the masses, much to our dread,
Until coaxed to rear its ugly head
On account of whatever attention’s been gained
From anything vile, graceless, or inane
To logically churn the common folks’ guts
And speak unto the most warped amongst us
And have them step out into the clear
And announce the truth that we all fear:
That guilty pleasures are stronger than we think,
As is morbid curiosity…which stinks!
Pretty soon, all who’ve struggled for years
To remind us of the truths we all hold dear
Are cast aside like pieces of trash,
Forever forgotten, their works burnt to ash
Within Hell’s blazes, leaving us to praise
The devils who’ve given us these dark days
With their backwards lessons and twisted truths,
Fattening us with their toxic fruit
Bloating our bellies as well as our heads
With words that have left us spiritually dead,
All no thanks to our own Media, too,
For causing this world to turn black and blue
And showing us all that which we were better
Off leaving alone in its chains and fetters,
Safely contained in its corner of the world
From the cat-like curiosity of boys and girls.
Now, ‘fore anyone says, “Don’t like it? Don’t read it.
It’s just a dumb book. No need to throw a fit.”
You clearly haven’t read, for I’ve already said,
I’ts not my own fate alone that I dread,
But the fate of everyone who’s worked so hard,
Only to have the top dogs discard
Their masterpieces in preference of the swill
I’ve been ranting ‘gainst with all my will
For so many lines now, it’s insane—
Even to me, one who feels their pain.
After all, I’m in their camp myself,
Hoping to have my work hit a store’s shelf,
Yet here I am, one of so bloody many,
And for too long now, I fear I won’t see any
Of my life-long dream at last come true,
And Media mouths, it’s no thanks to you
Spouting off ‘bout the crap that deserved to never
See the light of day and enjoy the endeavors
It’s made for so long at the expense of
Much worthier works that deserved such love
And attention from us all, myself included,
Yet here we all are, so dense and deluded
Into ignoring all that we should’ve loved
And would’ve fit our style like a hand in a glove.
Then again, we should blame ourselves as well
For allowing the industry to go to Hell
And not using judgment to help elevate
That which deserved love rather than hate,
To recognize treasure ‘mongst a sea of trash
And tell others ‘bout it so that they can dash
To the store and support and enjoy it, too.
Such is the practice I preach to all of you.
Blow off what the Media tells you what to like,
For you yourselves can set things right.
Think for yourselves and spread the word
Of that which you love and what you find absurd.
Don’t let the Media tell you what to think,
For they’re the ones who’ve taken us to the brink
Of decadence and debauchery that we
Have yet to overcome, so follow me
In supporting works that deserve the attention
And putting filth into permanent detention
‘Til it finally dies of rightful neglect
And is but a remnant of the years we’ve wrecked
From listening to those who should’ve known better,
Who belong in prison themselves, chained and fettered,
For unleashing the beasts that have roamed free,
Stampeding throughout society,
And decimating all in their wake,
Their thirst for destruction so hard to slake.
The time to slay these beasts is now.
It’s our time to take a stand—and how!
This era of sickness can no longer last.
Let’s build for the future and learn from the past
And see to it that the days of smut
Are forever purged back into Hell’s gut
And that we all create and support class
And decency for every lad and lass
From our generation to those down the road.
It’s a burden, yes, but we can all bear this load.
One final word before I go, people: If you insist on seeing a movie this Valentine’s Day weekend, I STRONGLY suggest you go see ANY OTHER MOVIE than Universal’s Fifty Shades of Grey. Kingsman: The Secret Service looks and sounds like fun, for example. Heck, even SpongeBob: Sponge Out of Water has been receiving some positive feedback, including the following review from YouTuber Austin Putnam. Just whatever you do…please…don’t give Fifty Shades of Grey a penny of your hard-earned money. It simply doesn’t deserve it, even if only in my own opinion.
Dustin M. Weber
Author Pages: Smashwords.com