Don’t forget to tune in to ALL IN on September 1, 2018! Live from the Sears Center in Chicago, IL! “Zero Hour” WGN America @ 6:00 P.M. ET; All In PPV: 7:00 P.M. ET via the FITE.tv app or via subscription to Ring of Honor Wrestling’s Honor Club streaming service
Usually, I know better than to get into it with trolls on the Internet, but after some creep on Twitter swore to me that Wrestlicious was in talks with a “MAJOR TV network” and thus was on the verge of returning to any kind of prominence after no longer airing their television program Wrestlicious TakeDown from 2011 onward, their YouTube channel closing in 2013, and their utter lack of presence ever since—partially thanks to wrestling fans no longer discussing and therefore caring about them—I couldn’t resist the urge to tell this lazy, cheap, dispassionate, hypocritical, self-indulgent cockroach of a wrestling promotion once more to fade away forever so that the professional wrestling business can rebuild itself. After all, with the efforts of the National Wrestling Alliance to reshape pro wrestling for the better with the way it’s been booking, promoting, and showcasing its talent since Billy Corgan took it over this past year; the increase of attention that Ring of Honor and New Japan Pro Wrestling have been receiving so far in the late 2010s; the buzz that’s been surrounding the September 1, 2018 pay-per-view All In; and even the efforts of Major League Wrestling, Lucha Underground, and Anthem Sports & Entertainment’s Impact Wrestling to help the industry move forward and regain steam, it’s apparent that the industry is doing everything possible to regain the ground it once had prior to it imploding on itself, no thanks to the events that happened within it during the spring of 2001. Granted, there are still plenty of wrestling fans out there who still act out in immature ways against one another and against various wrestling promotions and personalities, which doesn’t help the business, but there are also those who are far more sensible about and respectful toward the art as it is today who aren’t shy about expressing their enthusiasm for it and their pleasure in its reconstruction. I, too, and impressed with these efforts to progress in a more positive direction, as the steps taken so far have proven to provide the kick in the derriere that the business has needed for a long, long time. No disrespect meant towards World Wrestling Entertainment or its oft-jaded audience, either, but WWE needs all the competition it can handle to encourage it to move in a similar direction themselves and maintain their present position as the number one wrestling organization on the planet.
That being said, by no means do I believe Wrestlicious will help to further expedite these changes to the pro wrestling industry, should it ever revive, especially considering the fact that its idea of “evolving” with the times basically means repeating the same old thing it had done with different women playing the same old, tired, empty, shallow “characters” it had put on display back in the early to mid-2000s when it was better known as CRUSH. Not that I need to say it again, but wrestling needs to move forward, not backward, and if people are actually interested in a product similar to GLOW, then they can just as easily watch old matches from the original—the real—Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling or tune in to the Netflix program GLOW, which will be receiving its third season soon, according to Cameron Glover of NewNowNext.com. Wrestlicious, on the other hand, has had its time in the sun, received the dismissal and backlash it (in my opinion, leastways) deserved, and has faded away from the public eye ever since, and honestly, the men (and women) behind it should just leave it at that, for a new day is dawning in the pro wrestling world, and as a fan of the art form myself, I intend to embrace it.
Until then, please enjoy the poem I’ve included below and feel free to share it with all your friends and loved ones. Also, feel free to check out my author pages at Smashwords.com, Amazon.com, and Amazon.co.uk to see what I have available for purchase. Expect some full-fledged articles to appear on this blog once more, too, and don’t be afraid to share your feedback with me to discuss possible article topics that you’d like to read about that are related to novels and other forms of storytelling media. I’d like to keep you folks engaged with my material, after all, so please, let’s not be afraid to discuss stuff, including my sudden drop in subscribers, which I can explain to anyone who’s interested in reading about it.
Until next time, everyone, thank you for your support, and happy reading!
Dustin M. Weber
Image used in this post courtesy of ProWrestlingSheet.com. The remainder of the content within this post, however, is the author’s own.
The Dawn of a New Wrestling Era
(Stop Threatening to Come Back, Wrestlicious. Your Five Months-Plus of Infamy Are Over.)
August 23, 2018
You made me feel sick in the gut
With your willful, ignorant smut
Cutting me to the bone,
And I’m not alone
In wishing you’d stay in your rut.
You leeched the essence of another,
More successful entity, brother,
Hoping to do with it
Whatever you saw fit
To catch the eyes of all and their mothers,
Only to offer up a cheap “clone”
Of a work that’s clearly not your own,
Stealing beat per beat
All that made it sweet
To those with whom said work once hit home.
All you did was crank up the sex,
Leaving more prudent witnesses vexed—
Or, at least, quite annoyed
With you good ol’ boys
And your perverted little trainwreck.
The storytelling you claimed you had
Was shallow, superficial, and sad
With nothing and no one
To invest in, son—
Just slapped-together fights that looked bad,
For what you tried to pass off as “action”
Left but few with any satisfaction
With your prancing and clawing,
Dancing and hee-hawing
And consequence-free interaction.
God forbid folks emotionally
Invest themselves in what they see,
But your schlock led nowhere,
Was handled without care,
And had little sensibility.
You threw dignity out the window,
Portraying women like shameless bimbos
Who exist but to tease
And carnally please
With their flesh hanging out all akimbo.
You treated everything like a joke,
Showing us only mirrors and smoke,
Acting careless and lazy
When your fortune looked hazy
‘Til you eventually choked
Just like WSX before you,
Who were careless and sloppy, too,
Whose poor quality control
Sure enough took its toll
‘Til they died off out of the blue.
Then again, even though they died,
At least WSX tried.
In fact, they tried too hard
Playing their wildcard
While you barely tried at all and fried,
Thinking GLOW’s formula was all
You needed to prevent the fall
You knew you would take
With your plans half-baked
By your out-of-touch mind and all.
Had you half the respect you claimed
To have for a business much-maimed,
Then your business plans
Would’ve been tighter, man,
And you wouldn’t have slid down the drain.
Had you cut out the “comedy”
That no one sane would dare to see
And presented your girls
As athletes in a world
Ruled by masculinity,
Had you spared us the bald sex appeal
That “The E” once had part of their deal
And just let your girls be
The best they could be
In a mostly male industry,
Then your deal on major TV
Would have been a reality
With better sponsors than
Goat crap in a can
With one year in its industry,
And wrestling fans far and wide
Wouldn’t have been so promptly snide
At a show more productive
Than downright destructive
As it was in our reality,
For though childish as some fans can
Be towards this industry, man,
It can be said, too,
That they can see you through
By praising you ‘cross the land,
Should you have a product worth their time
That doesn’t insult their minds,
For even fools can see
Hard work and quality
In that which they simply don’t mind.
Alas, you took the lazy route.
Thought and effort? Not what you were ‘bout.
You just rode on the past
Hoping you would last,
Especially with what you’d spout:
Empty promises ‘bout your success,
Lies about the steps you’d take next,
And excuses galore
For what you had in store
‘Bout how what your were doing was best.
Even now, with your product dead
Much has been the bat guano you’ve said
For nearly a decade
Since your TV deal went to bed.
Hot air and trash—that’s all you are.
That’s all you’ve been since you’d scarred
This business that’s just
Now rising from the dust,
And it still isn’t getting you far.
Practically no one cares ‘bout you now.
Most have cast you aside somehow,
Save for a small handful
Who’ve devoured your bull
And those who’ve seen you and had a cow
And just want your brand to stay dead.
Can’t you get that through your thick head?
How much more Lotto cash
From “J.V. Rich’s” stash
Can you bleed? Dammit, just go to bed!
“Female empowerment?” Johnny, please!
You brought girls’ role models to their knees
With your stupidity
Yet you’re still buzzing like a bee
Kissing Netflix’s GLOW on the ass,
Taking shots at your critics (Such class!),
And lying left and right
‘Bout how you’ll one night
Revive when the time comes to pass.
Are you ever going to learn?
How many times must you be burned?
You’d died in a rush
When you were first CRUSH
In ’02 to ’04, yet you yearned
To come back with a vengeance one day,
And in 2010, we did pay
When you brought the same trash
To TV to rehash
What had killed you that fateful day.
You were jeered throughout more than before
When you waltzed through the Internet’s door
To smear your filth and grime
‘Fore those who wasted time.
Now you dare want to come back for more?
No! Now shut your mouth and go
‘Fore you bear the art even more woe,
For it’s trying to revive
More than ever and survive
All the damage it has taken so,
And your rebirth won’t help at all
In recovering it from its great fall.
In fact, you’ll just be more
Of a hurdle and chore
For us all with which to cope and all,
So stay dead from now bloody on,
For I’m tired of singing this song,
Believe it or not,
So may your mem’ry rot
So that wrestling may at last move on.
I shouldn’t even feed you trolls
With your foul, attention-starved souls.
Granted, that’s my own fault
Letting leak out the vault
Dwelling on ‘bout the damage you’ve done,
And I hope this will be the last
Time I ever put you hacks on blast,
For you’re not worth folks’ time,
So stay well on back in the past
And never, ever return.
Wrestling doesn’t deserve to burn—
Not now, not ever,
No matter the weather,
And by now, that you should have learned.
Just let the NWA
And ROH save the day—
Lucha Underground, too,
And Impact and “The E” in some ways.
Pro wrestling needs to move on,
Yet you still sing the same old song
Fans have grown sick of hearing
Like they’ve grown sick of leering
At talentless hos in thongs.
May the “action comedy” die,
For nowadays, it’s all a lie,
And may real girl power
Rise each waking hour
Right alongside that of the guys.
Death to poor business acumen
From washed-up, out-of-touch old men
And their hypocrisy
And lies buzzing like bees
From the bowels of way back when.
Finally, good riddance to smut
Making us all sick in the gut.
Good riddance, Cafarella,
Blance, and all you fellas
Who put pro wrestling in that rut.
A new day has long needed to come.
May wrestling no longer succumb
To the same tired crap
At which we used to laugh
Back when we were all young and dumb.
May better-laid plans come alive
And a new breed of “rope opera” thrive
That will put butts in seats
Once again as the sweet
Roar of the crowd rings through the skies.
May the booking make sense again
Just as it did way back when
With great athletes to act
Out without holding back
Stories as compelling as back then.
May a new era come to pass
Full of grit and passion and class
That gives the Attitude
Era grounds to be wooed
And perhaps even kicks its ass.
Time to toss all the trash out the door,
For a brighter day lies in store,
And wrestling fans’ll see
Full of action, suspense, and much more.
Author Pages: Smashwords.com