Poem of the Week: Yet Another Minooka Telemarketing Poem

Yet Another Minooka Telemarketing Poem
June 17, 2017

Ring, ring, ring! Who can it be again
After we’ve been solicitor-free since Time knows when?
Quarter past one on a weekday afternoon,
Second week of summer. Who’d be calling so soon?

Well, son of a gun! Look at the Caller ID.
Is that the word “Minooka” flashing back at me?
The number may be different, but the name’s the same
As that of the solicitors that last year drove me insane.

Well, newsflash! I’m not picking up for them. No way!
I refuse to let these Minooka jerks ruin my day
And insist I donate to some charity they won’t name.
I’m far too wise to that trash to try to play that game.

I know that charity collectors who collect over the phone
Take the brunt of the donations made to them for their own
And give what pennies are left to whatever charities
They represent, not caring if the recipients are on their knees,

Begging for the relief that they deserve directly
And not over the phone from the likes of you or me,
Especially if the handlers end up pocketing the cash
For their own benefit, adding it to their private stash.

Worse yet is how “Minooka” just won’t leave us alone,
Even after we’ve told them bluntly to stop calling us on the phone.
For a while, matters seemed alright ‘til they rang us up again
Using this other number, which I’m sure they had way back when.

So much for a call blocker, then, for those who used such a thing
To protect themselves from one number only for their phones to ring
When Minooka calls from this other line, persistent as they are.
Well, guess what: When it comes to us, they won’t get us too far.

I’m on to you, Minooka, and if you call us again,
I’ll turn you in to the FTC to have you shut down by them.
Let’s see you earn your money then with no one to harass
And no charities to exploit once they’ve locked away your ass.

Good riddance, then, Minooka, and hopefully once and for all.
After all the times you’ve troubled us, I hope you finally fall.
You’re nothing but a greedy pest begging to be put down,
And I doubt I’ll be alone cheering when you’re no longer around.

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
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Bonus Poem of the Week: Minooka…Again!

Minooka…Again!
February 16, 2017

10:28 this morning, just trying to do my thing
And get things done when suddenly, I hear my telephone ring.
Ring-a-ling-a-ling! Once again, ringing off the hook.
Damn it all! Can’t anyone simply let me finish my book?

So I check my Caller ID, and what else do I see?
The name “Minooka” flashing mockingly right back at me
With an all-too-familiar number beneath it, making me think,
“Oh, hell no! Not this crap again. Boy, does my luck stink.”

After all, over a month ago, these bastards called my home
To demand money from me, threatening to not leave me alone
Until I donated to one of the countless charities
They claimed to represent, to which I said “And their names, please?”

The fact that I also had to say “Hello?” multiple times
When I answered them to get and answer back boggles my mind.
Hell, they even hung up a few times when I dared to answer their calls,
Which I’ll admit was dumb of me, but here’s why I did so at all:

Picking up to tell them to take me off their calling list
Was the only way they’d back off—the only way they’d get the gist—
As calling them later on to tell them that very same thing
Would only lead me to an automated lecture or something

That wouldn’t connect me to a live person whose ear I could chew
Off in my mission to tell them that when it came to them, I was through.
Instead, their robot gave me an earful ‘bout their exemption from
The Do No Call list just ‘cause they’re “charity collector” scum

Who probably keep the lion’s share of whatever money they make
And give only fifteen percent to those whom they collect for. Those fakes!
I’ve been wise to that crap for so long, it isn’t even funny,
Which is why if I feel at all compelled to give any of my money

To any organization, I first see if they’re legit,
And only then, once I see that they are, do I see them as fit
Of a direct donation to their cause—never over the phone,
Especially via unsolicited calls that won’t leave me alone—

The kind of calls Minooka’s made time after time after time,
Even when I ignore them completely and they’re not on my mind,
Yet they kept on coming back in the day, and I hoped in vain that they
Would take the hint from my silence and they would’ve gone away.

Clearly, though, that wasn’t the case, and I’ve come to decide
That maybe investing in a call blocker would’ve helped save my hide—
Assuming, of course, that good ol’ Minooka didn’t have a second number
To work around such a defense, thus making such a move a blunder.

Here they are again, though, calling me in the middle of the day,
Demanding money from me as though it’s my obligation to pay.
I thought this crap was over and done with, but clearly, I was wrong,
Else I’d be singing at this moment a whole different kind of song.

Looks like I’ll need a call blocker after all now. Son of a gun!
Then maybe I’ll contact the FCC if I want this battle won.
These unwarranted calls, after all, have got to stop somehow,
Fr the harassment I’m getting now has really got me having a cow.

Enjoy tormenting me ‘til then, Minooka, for it won’t be long
‘Til you finally get your comeuppance and I prove to you how wrong
You are to keep asking the same target time after time again
For cash to fill your own bank account. It’s all just a matter of when.

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
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Bonus Poem of the Week: Knock It Off, Minooka!

Knock It Off, Minooka!
October 7, 2016

Knock it off, Minooka! Your calls are driving me mad.
This is the worst case of harassment in a while that I’ve had.
You’ve called us nine times already in two-and-a-half weeks.
I can’t escape you no matter what, and it’s given me the creeps.

Knock it off, Minooka! You’re flat-out annoying me.
You call me up to thrice a day. Why can’t you let me be?
You say you collect for a number of different charities?
Well, I’d rather donate to them directly if you’d let me, please.

Knock it odd, Minooka! You’re really ticking me off.
You say you’re on the up-and-up? Please! Don’t make me scoff.
I bet you keep the lion’s share of the cash donated to you
And give but ten percent to the charities you’re connected to.

Knock it off, Minooka! You’re driving me insane.
You know I’m not falling for your tricks or playing your sick game,
So why do you keep calling me? Really, stop wasting your time
And being so inconsiderate, ‘cause you’re also wasting mine.

Knock it off, Minooka! Pay attention and get the gist.
I don’t care if callers like you are exempt from the DNC list.
I still feel like you’re stalking me for my life, so please let it go.
Stop calling me and get it through your skulls that “No” means “No!”

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
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                         Amazon.co.uk

Poem of the Week: Ring-a-Ling-a-Ling part 2: Rachel from Card Services

Ring-a-Ling-a-Ling part 2: Rachel from Card Services
June 18, 2014

Ring-a-ling-a-ling! Who next called me on the phone?
Well, to put it simply, I should’ve left it alone.
I was too dense, though, to check my caller ID at the time,
At least ‘til later, when I saw that the number was mine!
Still, I picked up the phone, not thinking for a sec,
And I’m sure you can guess just what happened next:
“Hi! This is Rachel from Card Services…”
Oh, really, now? I wondered. Is this who it is?
So I’m smashing the eight key oh so rapidly
To screw up the signal between “Rachel” and me,
Then slammed down the receiver and cursed my foul luck,
For who truly cares for these “Card Services” schmucks?
They’ve harassed Americans for one too many years
That even the FTC has had it up to here
And had made them Public Enemy Number One
Once upon a time for having their little fun
In conning innocents out of their credit card numbers
Over the phone, profiting heavily from their blunders,
And heaven knows exactly how many IDs
They’ve stolen that way and have done as they pleased,
Raking in thirty mil plus, as I’ve been told,
And yet, they’re still at it. Man, are they bold!
I’ve ignored them before, though, and they’ve gone away,
But now they’ve come back to ruin my day
And call me via my own number, of all things!
Then again, it’s probably some trick of which I sing.
Fact is, CS needs to go away forever,
And I hope someone undertakes such an endeavor
And has the means to forge the reality
Of Card Services finally falling to their knees,
Ensuring we’ll never hear from “Rachel” and crew again.
I feel it’ll happen, though I don’t know exactly when,
But I’ll keep my fingers crossed for that day to come
When someone finally sends those scammers on the run.
Good riddance, “Card Services!” You’re welcome’s come and gone,
You think you’re right in what you’re doing, but guess what:

You’re wrong!

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com

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Poem of the Week: Ring-a-Ling-a-Ling!

Hey, readers!

This week’s “Poem of the Week” has come to me via a certain “occurrence,” for lack of a better term, that has been a thorn in my side throughout this entire fall season. That occurrence: people calling my home phone number trying to sell me things that I don’t have any use for or telling me that I’ve won some contest I’ve never even heard of, much less taken part in, or even trying to get me to answer questions for a survey that I have no interest in taking part in whatsoever. Rather than ranting and raving and carrying on about why these telemarketers are getting on my nerves, though, I think I’ll let the following poem, Ring-a-Ling-a-Ling!, express my feelings for me. Without further ado, then, please enjoy!

*****

Ring-a-Ling-a-Ling!

October 12, 2012

 

Ring-a-ling-a-ling! Someone’s calling on the phone.

Hey, Granny! Oh, wait…it’s you. Leave me alone!

No, no, no! I don’t care what you’re selling.

You call me once more, and it’s the cops I’ll be telling.

How’d you get your hands on my number, anyway?

It’s on the “Do not call” list. Then again…hey!

Nah, who’m I kidding? That’d just be crazy.

Then again, bub, you’d better not be lazy

In taking my number off your calling list.

I’m pressing the key for that right now so you’ll get the gist.

Honestly, who do you think you are, anyway,

Calling me at this ungodly hour of the day?

Don’t you know or care that I’m expecting an important call

From my dear, hospitalized Granny, who’s been driven up a wall,

Oddly enough by people in your same line of work?

Let me be, then, if you know what’s good for you, jerk!

I’m so sick of people like you calling me

With your numbers coming up “Unknown” on my caller ID,

And when I’m dumb enough to pick up my receiver,

I end up hearing naught but your heaving, you heavy-ass breather,

If not, in fact, dead silence while you fumble through your script,

Which you read from directly as it’s me you’re trying to gyp,

And even if it’s not you, it’s some automated machine

Trying to rig me out of my hard-earned green.

Time shares, airline tickets, products galore—

Such is what you promise to me over the phone and more,

So long as I visit your website within the next twenty-four hours

And enter the code you give me so that you can have the power

To fleece me of my money for some vacation home

In Montego, Cancun, or wherever else you may roam

For your winter vacation—something I can never afford,

And I’m not falling for your pranks, so please don’t waste anymore

Of my precious time—or, for that matter, yours,

Or so help me, I’ll be having the Feds knocking on your door

And shutting down your entire operation

So that you’ll no longer bother anyone else in this nation

With your glorified harassment via telephone,

Preying upon the innocent when they’d rather be left alone.

*****

Well, that should do it for this week. In the meantime, feel free to leave a comment about this poem and the topic I’ve covered in it. What are your thoughts about telemarketers? How do you deal with them? How many telemarketers have been bothering you recently? Have you ever bought anything sold by a telemarketer, and how did the experience turn out? Fee free let me know in a response to this poem. I really look forward to reading what you folks have to say.

In the meantime, thanks once again for stopping by this blog and checking out my material. As always, please check out my author page at Smashwords.com for current and future releases, follow me on Twitter @DustinMWeber, and until we meet again, happy reading!

Regards,

Dustin M. Weber