Poem of the Week: A Long-Overdue Rant on Internet Grammar in the 2010s

A Long-Overdue Rant on Internet Grammar in the 2010s
January 9, 2018

Fifteen to twenty years ago, when I’d surf the ‘Net,
Grammar made sense just like it did in school.
Nowadays, though, old man that I am, I can’t help but fret
At how today’s folks write ‘cause it isn’t cool.

Miscaps here, misspellings there, lack of punctuation all around—
It’s all enough to make me sick to my gut.
I hate the way it looks on screen and even the way it sounds
When I read it aloud and witness the kind of rut

Society’s now in mentally ‘cause honestly, what the hell
Has become of us from a written point of view?
We used to be so neat and concise, but these days, all’s not well.
Where did we go so wrong out of the blue?

Have we really gotten so stressed for time that we cannot bear
To take a moment to write a sentence right,
Or have we just gotten lazy and stopped giving any care
To what we publish on the Internet day and night?

I only ask ‘cause not only is our grammar collectively
Devolving, but so is our sense of thought,
For no longer do we think through what we want others to see
Or hear, even though deep down we know we ought.

Somebody stinks at something? We scold them, “Git gud, scrub!”
Something angers us? We type IN ALL CAPS
With multiple exclamation points ‘cause we’re just that livid, bub,
And are in that serious need of a nap.

Its versus It’s, Then versus Than, There versus They’re versus Their
Not to mention Yore versus You’re versus Your
This misuse of similar-sounding words is more than I can bear…
And yes…bear! Not bare. Leave that at the door

Right along with your ellipses used in the place of periods
‘Cause they’re made of three periods themselves, right?
Also, Dont versus Don’t? Isnt versus Isn’t? Whose teaching these kids
How to not use apostrophes day and night?

Notice, too, how I used Also to start a sentence rather than And
Like we ‘80s kids were taught once upon a time,
For conjunctions’ function is to join sentences and fragments at hand,
Not start them like we do now, friends of mine.

Alas, though, each mid-paragraph, it’s And, But, Or all day,
Every day like it’s nobody else’s bloody biz,
Right along with the double negatives like don’t none and ain’t no way.
It’s insulting, even to one who’s not a grammar wiz.

Comparative forms in adjectives these days also makes me mad.
I’m sure you, too, have noticed this vexing matter,
For kids and even adults now say more hairy, more petty, and more sad
As opposed to hairier, pettier, and sadder.

To think, too, I’ve only scratched the surface of this steaming mess,
And the more I look, the less relief I see.
I know it’s petty and paranoid of me, but I can’t rest
As I wonder where the world’s literacy could be.

Am I overreacting? Are things really that bad?
Will we ever revolve from where we are now?
All I know is how all this bad grammar’s been making me sad
And wish that we could go back some way, somehow.


Author Pages: Smashwords.com


Poem of the Week: Retro-Reviewing Egomaniac

Retro-Reviewing Egomania
July 4, 2017

Talk, talk, talk—that’s what you like to do,
But little did you realize, friend,
That the more you open your mouth, the further in your foot
Goes in to choke you out in the end.

You sit there on your ass, flaunting your accomplishments,
Claiming superiority where you please,
Proudly sporting your fauxhawk, neckbeard, and thick-rimmed specs
As you ridicule others’ childhood memories.

“Oh, wow! What a lazy premise! What a shameless rip-off!
What cheesy music and animation!
I can’t believe folks actually watched this back in the day.”
Such is what you spew across the nation.

“Good grief! What a hokey scene! What a way to throw logic
Out the window just to tell a story.”
Hey, you’re the one who bothered digging up trash
From the past to show the world in all its glory.

Honestly, do you think we don’t know trash when we see it
With our own eyes and hear with our own ears,
Especially when it’s been out long enough for ourselves
To witness with embarrassment and fear?

Do you really think we need some snarky, immature know-it-all
Showing and telling what we can find out
Ourselves without any guidance? Please! Stop with the insults
‘Cause that’s what you seem to be all about,

So spend your free time doing something far more constructive
And meaningful in the long run of it all
Like warning us of the crap that’s been flooding the mainstream
Today before society further falls

Into ruin just as you claim it had back in the day
With the ages-old dreck you bash presently.
Seriously, you think the past sucked? Well, today’s not much better.
Just look around you, and you’ll see.

Once you do, I hope you at last come to see the light
And put your supposed knowledge to the test
To purge the world of ignorance—hopefully forever—
And put the media’s faults to rest.

Take the hint, then, cocky boy, and clean up your act.
Stop ragging on that which has long past
And do all you can to help us all move forward
And craft memories meant to last.


Author Pages: Smashwords.com

Poem of the Week: The Vermin of YouTube

The Vermin of YouTube
March 31, 2017

Childish, foul-mouthed twerps bitching and moaning
‘Bout their fave networks going to the dogs;
Nagging malcontents whining and groaning,
Saying all films “suck”…self-entitled hogs;
Pompous nerds screaming ‘bout which characters
Are “killing” their favorite franchises;
Thin-skinned brats acting oh so immature
Likening their peers to groups like ISIS;
Conspiracy nuts shrieking lies so dumb
To make themselves feel better and us ill;
Lonely, bored trolls whose small minds are so numb
They feel the need to smear us with their swill…
All a sample of the hot trash in store
That can make surfing YouTube quite a chore.


Author Pages: Smashwords.com

Bonus Poem of the Week: A Message for the Commonplace Angry YouTube Reviewer

A Message for the Commonplace Angry YouTube Reviewer
February 2, 2017

Losing your cool,
Losing your temper—
Temper of a child,
Temper out of control.
Control yourself.
Control your anger—
Anger over minor stuff,
Anger over petty stuff.
Stuff your rage.
Stuff your histrionics.
Histrionics make you look childish.
Histrionics make you seem self-entitled—
Self-entitled brat,
Self-entitled and obnoxious,
Obnoxious screaming,
Obnoxious cursing—
Cursing like a drunken sailor!
Cursing like a bad comedian!
Comedian you’re not.
Comedian? More like laughing stock!
Stock complaints,
Stock vocabulary,
Vocabulary that’s grown tired,
Vocabulary that’s painfully limited—
Limited by your stupidity,
Limited by your lack of effort—
Effort dumped into your theatrics,
Effort absent from your editing,
Editing so amateurish,
Editing riddled with jump cuts—
Cuts that cater to low attention spans,
Cuts that have become cliché today,
Today when lowbrow rules supreme,
Today when stupidity already reigns,
Reigns free,
Reigns unchallenged,
Unchallenged and well-fed,
Unchallenged and wealthy,
Wealthy on the masses’ low standards,
Wealthy on the masses’ ignorance—
Ignorance that’s long plagued the mainstream,
Ignorance we’ve dealt with for too long.
Long have we endured idiocy.
Long have we yearned for class—
Class and intelligence,
Class and decency—
Decency that you should be bringing,
Decency that you should be promoting.


Author Pages: Smashwords.com

Poem of the Week: Morons on the Internet

Morons on the Internet
December 1, 2016

People can be such morons. On that one can rely.
So dumb are the things they do and say as I’ve seen with my own eyes—
Especially on the World Wide Web, where manners go right out the door
And people can be as rude and heartless as they want to be and more.

People can be such scumbags, no couth or thought put into what
Comes out of their mouths, even if said something happens to be smut,
Homophobic, racist, sexist, or otherwise offensive to anyone
Who has even only half a heart as they walk ‘neath Heaven’s sun.

People can be such losers who think they’re so macho and mighty
‘Til one confronts them on their idiocy. Then, they act all flighty
And make excuses for themselves, often trying to still come off as tough
And insisting on getting the last word in with each insult they huff and puff.

People can be such assholes, thinking being obnoxious and loud
Is the way to handle disputes, and should they “win,” they act all proud
That they’ve managed to shout their opponents down with their senseless flip,
Not giving a damn whose feelings they hurt with what sails ‘tween their lips.

People can be such pansies, all callous when they’re on top
‘Til their skin grows thin when they know they can’t win. Then they cry “STOP!”
Or otherwise walk with their tail ‘tween their legs when they know they’ve lost.
Serves ‘em right, I say, for throwing their weight around like they’re the boss.

People can be such lowlives, spouting off at what doesn’t concern
Their worthless opinions and attitudes all ‘cause they feel the need to burn
Complete strangers with their thoughtlessness solely because they can
And are bored or need to feel more than shells of the common woman or man.

But how can one cope when one crosses paths with such a sorry sack of trash
Who wouldn’t know kindness if it knocked its teeth down its throat and out its ass?
Does one blow it off completely and hope one day it self-destructs,
Or does one get in its face and call out the crap of the spineless schmuck?

Is it even possible to get through the thick skulls of these dumb trolls,
Or is the world forever doomed to suffer the ignorance spewing out their holes?
Whatever the case, their need to pick fights with those whom they don’t know
Is nothing less than shameful and disgusting and makes my blood boil so.

This hiding behind one’s computer and talking trash to strangers
Is naught but childish stupidity that reminds me of just how in danger
We all are of losing our way in this age of drama and technology,
And if we don’t shape up soon, who can tell how much worse off we’ll be?

This world’s already a powder keg full of violence and disease,
Prejudice and corruption, all of which have brought us to our knees.
We don’t need self-isolation to further cast us into the void.
Our minds and bodies are already shot. Must our souls, too, be destroyed?


Author Pages: Smashwords.com

Poem of the Week: Flame Wars

Flame Wars
March 10, 2016

People can be such idiots when they refuse to chill,
So obsessed with preaching unto others the “truth,”
Which they act like they alone own, the jagged little pills,
And pointing out their flawed logic needs no sleuth.

Argue though you may, though, your words will never sink in,
For their minds have been made up and set in stone.
‘Twill be a war of words where neither side is fated to win.
The best course of action, thus? Leave crap alone.

Don’t get me wrong, ‘cause ignorance is indeed quite a pain
To deal with, no matter what form it takes,
And to stomp it out and encourage wisdom may feel like a gain,
So long as it’s not your humaneness you forsake,

For it’s way too easy to succumb to their same level, friend,
And turn into one of them when they tick you off,
For when their ignorance gets ‘neath your skin, there’s no end
To the times you both moan, groan, insult, and scoff,

And the next thing you know, you’re no better than the schmuck
You originally intended to simply shut down.
Now you’re just as much a self-righteous blowhard son-of-a-buck
Coming off like you’re the bully and the clown,

Calling the other guy names as his grammar you attack,
His IQ you assume’s barely above two.
Who’s the villain now, then, now that you’ve crossed to black
And let your vindication get the better of you?

Heaven forbid the moderators see you as the one
Upon whom discipline must be administered
While the other guy roams away free towards the setting sun,
Not in the slightest to be seen as sinister.

Would it be all worth it, then, you punished for your deeds
And you alone, though you’d brought it upon yourself
In spite of your better intentions and just how many leads
There may be to that other troublesome whelp?

Trust me, comrade: Flame wars are never worth fighting through,
For even noble ends don’t justify the means,
And no matter how the other guy carries on to tarnish you,
You’re better off walking ‘way from his childish screams.

Just be the bigger person, then, and let sleeping dogs lie.
Sometimes that’s the only way to go.
The melodrama’s never worth it, so let that crap die.
You’ll be far better off doing so.


Author Pages: Smashwords.com

Poem of the Week: The ABCs of the Commonplace 21st Century Scumbag

The ABCs of the Commonplace 21st Century Scumbag
January 18, 2015

Classless, clueless bores;
Disgusting and disparaging
Entitlement whores.

Foul in mind and spirit,
Grotesque in presentation;
Jackasses across each nation.

Kidlike in a bad way,
Loud, ludicrous, and
Nasty dispositions,
Offensively spineless.

Pretentious and prejudiced,
Quarrelsome in a flash;
Retributively racist and
Sexist pieces of trash.

Touchy, two-faced tough guys,
Ugly attitudes;
Viciously venomous and
Woefully rude.

Xenophobic as well.
Yuck! You know it’s true.
Z’s I need to catch after putting up with you.


Author Pages: Smashwords.com



Poem of the Week: A Little Sonnet Inspired by the Idiots of a Fanbase to which I No Longer Belong

A Little Sonnet Inspired by the Idiots of a Fanbase to which I No Longer Belong
January 3, 2015

Just ’cause you’ve an opinion doesn’t mean
You’re automatically right ’bout things,
Nor does it give you the right to be mean
To those who disagree and make them sting
With insults, lies, and other tainted words—
Especially threats. Honestly, what gives?
Why must you act so childish and absurd,
Telling strangers they don’t deserve to live
All ’cause their opinions differ from yours,
Even if said opinions are plain foul?
Why not help humanity stay on course
And take the high road, O Ye with the Scowl?
Internet bickering is such a waste—
Petty, spineless hatred on cyberspace.


Author Pages: Smashwords.com



Poem of the Week: How to Cope with Firestarters

How to Cope with Firestarters
June 12, 2014

Have you ever felt like you’re the only brain in the room?
Have you ever felt that humanity has fallen to its doom—
Getting all upset over the littlest of things,
Taking their frustrations out on any who’ll hear them sing,
Spewing their opinions with all the hatred in the world,
And generally acting like a bunch of little boys and girls?
Whatever happened to the days when folks behaved like adults,
When they agreed to disagree and calmly regarded the faults
Of that which they didn’t like without screaming like spoiled brats
And called that which they disliked a “disgrace” and this and that?
Ten years ago, this wasn’t as big of a problem, but nowadays,
It seems as though the majority get riled up in some way
And tend to scream and bitch and moan and whine and cry and complain
To the point where they drive not only themselves, but others, too, insane.
They’re petty and disrespectful, childish, obnoxious and vain,
Relying on emotion first as their sense of logic wanes
To the point where they’ve no leg to stand on in their frivolous fights.
Their sources are whack, their facts aren’t facts, yet they don’t give up their plights,
And they end up making even bigger schmucks of themselves than before,
And no thanks to their stupidity, there’s little hope left in store
For humanity to move forward into what’s left of time,
Which leaves me with only one piece of advice to leave behind:
Don’t be an idiot yourself and always stay on your toes,
For if you let your guard down once, these creeps will bring you woe.
Always keep your cool and act with maturity and grace
And think with your heart, head, and spine if you must put these fools in their place.


Author Pages: Smashwords.com



Bonus Poem of the Week: The Dark Side of the Human Story

Hello, readers.

Recently, I’ve been “inspired” by a certain website dedicated to something that I otherwise enjoy to vent by means of poetry about just how crude, classless, childish, and outright idiotic we humans can be towards each other and precisely just how oblivious we can all be of our own behavior and its effect on others—assuming, of course, that certain people amongst us even care at all about their behavior to begin with. I apologize, too, if I sound a little too pessimistic for my own good or for anyone else’s liking, and if that deters you away from this work of mine, I understand. Hopefully by this coming Sunday, I’ll have another poem of mine for my regular “Poem of the Week” segment that will be more positive and perhaps even provide a solution for a problem that has always irked me, even (or, perhaps I should say, especially) as a youngster, for one reason or another. However, for those of you out there who are as sick and tired of certain other people’s attitudes about, quite frankly, anything at all and would appreciate some much-needed catharsis, I hope you will be able to find at least something in the following Shakespearean sonnet, The Dark Side of the Human Story.


The Dark Side of the Human Story
August 20, 2013

Human stupidity blows me away.
No matter how we progress as a race,
It rears its fat, ugly head anyway
And blows right up in our collective face.
Telling “ugly” folks to go kill themselves,
Even when they’ve done nothing wrong to us;
Raging at people to go straight to Hell
When our own words coax them to throw a fuss;
Making “jokes” about others’ misfortunes,
Mannerisms, int’rests, or pref’rences;
Cocky, spiteful words shot from oral guns,
Computer screens our only “defenses…”
Thin-skinned yet thick-skulled with razor tongues—
And this is but part of what we’ve become.


Well, that’s enough venting for me today. Hopefully, this poem wasn’t too much of a downer for anyone kind enough to read it, but hey—maybe there’s some chance that it’ll be of use to someone else out there, whatever that use may be. After all, let’s be realistic, people—there are too many people in this world who need to grow up, shut up, and stop getting carried away when it comes to something that’s meant to be enjoyed, be it a beloved music act or comic, a favorite sport or video game franchise, or even a comedic television show that’s actually funny.

At any rate, folks, thank you for stopping by my blog and catching up with me, and as I’ve said before, I have every intention of making my next poem a little bit more positive, to say the very least. In the meantime, though, feel free to visit out my author pages at Smashwords.com, Amazon.com, and Amazon.co.uk to check out the publications I have available for sale, and in the words of Ellen DeGeneres, “Be kind to one another.” Until next time, then, readers, happy reading!

Dustin M. Weber