Poem of the Week: The Vermin of YouTube

The Vermin of YouTube
March 31, 2017

Childish, foul-mouthed twerps bitching and moaning
‘Bout their fave networks going to the dogs;
Nagging malcontents whining and groaning,
Saying all films “suck”…self-entitled hogs;
Pompous nerds screaming ‘bout which characters
Are “killing” their favorite franchises;
Thin-skinned brats acting oh so immature
Likening their peers to groups like ISIS;
Conspiracy nuts shrieking lies so dumb
To make themselves feel better and us ill;
Lonely, bored trolls whose small minds are so numb
They feel the need to smear us with their swill…
All a sample of the hot trash in store
That can make surfing YouTube quite a chore.

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Bonus Poem of the Week: Another Rant about 21st Century Human Stupidity

Another Rant about 21st Century Human Stupidity
March 15, 2017

Some say we’ve lost our soul. Some say we’ve lost our body…
Hence why our entertainment media’s long been shoddy,
But if you ask me, I’d say we’ve also lost our minds,
For how stupid must we be to not choose to leave behind
All the crap that’s been in the world now for so long?
What else can make us believe that we’ve got nothing wrong
On our bookshelves, radios, game consoles, and TV and film screens?
‘Cause guess what—it ain’t perfect, if you know just what I mean.
That’s just the tip of this iceberg, though, for look at what else
Is wrong with us, such as just how wrapped up in ourselves
We’ve become over the years with these days being worse than ever.
For example, look at what happens when people get together
On the Internet, and one moron acts out his or her inner child
Against something quite innocent, being anything but mild
With an illiterate, long-winded tantrum either void of punctuation
Or riddled with exclamation points and poor capitalization
As he or she batters the poor soul with whom he or she disagrees,
Spewing out insults and accusations with the greatest of ease
Peppered with death threats, name-calling, and (of course) profanity,
Thinking such a display will make him or her look like a tough S.O.B.
When reality proves he or she is naught but a spiteful brat
Who really ought to clean up his or her act soon or just scat,
For such behavior in the real world doesn’t fly with most folks.
In fact, acting childish and self-entitled often blows up in smoke
And lands people in the doghouse, where other folks come to see
Just how infantile, deprived, and pathetic we humans can be.
Alas, too many are the places human foulness rears its head—
So many, in fact, that I’m surprised my soul isn’t yet dead
From having come across so many assholes gathered in one place
Relishing over foolish crap as humanity they further disgrace
With lies, both in word and in picture, of people better than they
Will ever be, not to mention all the tacky words they say;
Racial, sexist, and homophobic slurs; curses galore;
Celebrating innocent people’s deaths; and more trash talk in store
For all morbidly curious enough to read such crap themselves
With even more warped reality waiting for them the deeper they delve.
To think such scum exist in the real world never sits well with me.
“It takes all kinds,” I understand, but honestly, why should it be
That unprovoked hatred should run so rampant in this day and age?
Will we ever move forward in this world or forever stay on this page
And never progress in the story of the human race as it can be?
‘Cause really, I’ve had it up to my brow with such stupidity.
To think, too, that I’ve only scratched the surface of how braindead
Humanity can be with all the words I’ve already said.
The problem is, though, if I were to go on with this gripe,
I’d be here all day losing my own mind reporting all the tripe
I’ve seen and heard in all the years I’ve come to know it, friends,
So please forgive me for bringing this rant to a premature end.
The point remains, though, that we as a people have a ways
To go before we can claim that we’ve grown up in any way,
And I hope that day comes soon while I’m still alive to hear and see
Humanity reach its moral potential and prove how great we can be.

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Bonus Poem of the Week: Edgy =/= Funny

Edgy =/= Funny
December 31, 2016

Just because you’re “edgy” doesn’t mean you’re funny.
In fact, “edgy” humor often drives me away.
Being loud, rude, and crude won’t earn you my money
Or even my attention any night or day.
Still, R-rated schlock still reels in the dough these days,
Which makes me wonder ‘bout just what’s wrong with the world
When foul language and toilet humor are mainstays
And innuendo strikes the ears of boys and girls
On a regular basis, much to their delight,
As well as creeps joking ‘bout death and tragedy.
Surely, there must be some way we can make things right
And fight back before such crass immaturity
Dumbs our nation down more than it has already.
Let’s at least try to hold out ill culture steady.

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Bonus Poem of the Week: A Villanelle on 21st Century Journalism

A Villanelle on 21st Century Journalism
September 29, 2016

Grow up and do your job, you pompous ass!
You’re supposed to be objective, you know.
Cut the crap for once and show us some class.

Just what do you get from being so crass,
Shooting off your mouth and acting macho?
Grow up and do your job, you pompous ass!

We came to read the news, not cope with sass
From some snide narcissist with steam to blow.
Cut the crap for once and show us some class.

Spare us your pretention and let it pass.
Condescension’s never in style, you know.
Grow up and do your job, you pompous ass!

Quit shoving your agenda up my ass
And knock off the personal attacks, schmoe.
Cut the crap for once and show us some class.

Professionalism’s run out of gas
When it comes to keeping folks in the know.
Grow up and do your job, you pompous ass!
Cut the crap for once and show us some class.

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Bonus Poem of the Week: War Between the Sexes

Hello, readers!

This week, I’d like to submit a poem that I honestly should have written and posted a long time ago. However, seeing as the hostilities covered in today’s poem are still “at large and in charge,” for lack of a better saying, I still hope the message below strikes a chord with all who happen to read it. Feel free to “like” and share it, too, and spread the message around in hopes that the world moves forward from the especially hurtful, childish, and outright asinine way of thinking it details.

Thank you all, and happy reading.

Dustin M. Weber

*****

War Between the Sexes
September 15, 2016

“We men are losing everything to these self-serving chicks—
These petty wannabe Amazons who see all us men as hicks
Who’re out to make them bear our spawn to satisfy the state
And keep them in the kitchen, wherein which they brew their hate.
We used to be the breadwinners—the leaders of our households—
But the masses now scoff at that model and declare it to be ‘old.’
Now women have been taking our jobs and cash, yet still aren’t satisfied
And won’t be ‘til we become subservient and flush our pride.
I don’t know ‘bout you, fellow gents, but I’m sick of being walked on
And treated like I’m worthless by some bitch who claims to be ‘strong.’
We’re men, after all—human beings—and refuse to be treated like crap,
So spare us your flack, husband beaters, and shut your nagging traps.”

“Well, excuse us, whiny man-baby, for wanting independence like you.
Did it ever occur to you and your ilk that we’re people, too?
Your paranoia of us ‘taking over’ is nothing more than that.
Just give us equal representation in the workplace and scat.
In fact, give us better treatment, seeing as you childish farts
Have too often abused your power and have torn this world apart.
You even put down your fellow man just to make sure you stay on top,
Even when you’re terrible at your job and the masses want you to stop.
So much do you market to your own kind it’s enough to make one sick.
We weren’t all, after all, put on Earth to ‘please’ you little pricks.
You know, if the world were matriarchal, we’d all at last be free
From you meat-headed warmonger perverts and all your tyranny.”

“There you go again with your sweeping generalizations, Jezebel.
Why don’t you take your prejudice and leave it with you in Hell?
See, that’s the kind of hatred I’d brought up earlier, dear—
The kind of bitter vindictiveness men like me have come to fear.
Even if we men having been in charge for so long has been a bane,
You needn’t cry victim and return the favor by bringing us pain.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, you know, nor do the double standards you pass
In order to prove your ‘equality’ to us in prestige or class.
You demonize rape and domestic violence, for instance, yet don’t realize
That women, too—believe it or not—have beat up and violated guys,
And if we dare physically defend ourselves, we get vilified
While you stand so finely by and mock us, no one daring to bust your hide.
As far as marketing goes, what about all the times we’ve been dumbed down
To make you look like the ‘smarter’ sex and us all like bumbling clowns?
Call us childish all you want, but we’re not the only ones.
You’re just as immature as we are, you petty daughters of guns.”

“Even if we’re being immature, guess who started it first
With the whole notion of ‘gender superiority’ and who’s better or worse.
For every rape and domestic violence case our kind has invoked,
Your kind has pulled off several more—enough to make us choke.
Blame it, then, on your fellow men for not staying in line
For the rules that play against you when the threads of truth unwind.
As for each marketing scheme that portrays you men as dumb,
You might want to see who’s behind them before you further succumb
To the sweeping generalizations for which you yourselves are to blame.
In fact, who passed them off first in a fit of pride and shame
In an effort to keep their office and the control they’ve attained
Over the whole world, of which many of you I bet hope to retain?
It’s all about power and control for you, we’ve come to learn,
And speaking of wrongs making rights, prepare to get burned,
For our ‘wrong’ would’ve never happened if you’d never made yours first,
And this third wrong from your precious movement is only making things worse.”

“You’re always showing off your bodies, sexualizing yourselves as you please.”
“Hey, it’s your own overactive sex drives bringing you to your knees.”
“Are you saying we’re the only ‘saucy’ ones, Ms. ‘Shades of Gray?’”
“Are you saying we all like that smut? Go back to those games you play!
“You mean the games you never touch ‘cause of their ‘testosterone?’”
“Well, I sure don’t mean that kiddie crap you claim you’ll never own.”
“Fine…but you go back to those books with the plots you’ll never know.”
“And you go back to those dirty movies and all the smut they sow.
“Like you don’t enjoy ogling the physiques of our fellow ‘beasts!’”
“Hey, at least we’re discreet about it and not like you in the least.”

And so do the two sides bicker, both right and wrong in their own ways,
And as much as I’d hate to say it, I doubt we’ll ever see the day
Both sides set aside their differences to help this ailing world
Pull itself back together from all the damage that each boy and girl
In the past has inflicted upon it through any and all misdeeds
He or she has done to support the cause in which he or she believes.
If only there was a peace table at which we all can converse
And explain why it is we feel the way we do before something worse
Than what we’ve all already endured befalls upon us all.
It’s as the saying goes: “United we stand. Divided, we fall.”

Picture courtesy of Whisper.sh

Picture courtesy of Whisper.sh

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Poem of the Week: The Criticism Poem

The Criticism Poem
August 3, 2016

People ain’t always friendly. People ain’t always nice,
But that’s still no excuse to let your sensitivity become a vice,
‘Cause no matter how critical folks might be of the stuff you make,
You can’t always fire back at them, especially with words half-baked.

Let’s say some senile, whiny manchild yearly rants on and on
About how you “don’t do anything new” on a certain show you’re on
And instead “keep doing the same old crap” without proving his point
And keeps using the same old tired-ass words to stink up the joint.
Would you cave in and let his groundless hypocrisy get to you,
Or would you rise above it and let others’ love for you see you through?
Would you rather listen to constructive critiques of what you’re doing wrong
Or let some bitter dunce keep ragging on you with the same old song?

Even if the masses hate your stuff, you can’t flip your feces, friend,
And trash them or their opinion, lest you wish to see a bitter end
And be recalled as a jackass for biting the hand that could have fed you
And stepping on those who’ve supported you in what good you used to do.
People are allowed to have legitimate criticisms, after all,
And point out flaws in your work that are there so that you won’t take a fall
With your next project, so what’s the point in screaming up a storm
As though they’re clueless idiots whose bodies are still moist and warm
From recently slithering out of their mothers’ bellies? Tell me, friend,
How else you believe a person’s career can be brought to an end.

Also…all you’ve heard about trolls? Guess what: It’s all true.
The cowardly pranksters exist and are out to get folks like you
Whose paper-thin skin is too weak to endure their razor-sharp tongues
And the toxic trash they spew out from their foul mouths and filthy lungs,
And for you to take them seriously will surely cause your demise,
So mind the sincere, and when it comes to trolls, screw those guys!
Honest, sincere critique is what should matter to folks these days,
Even if it’s not what you “want” to hear in any sort of way.
Otherwise, how well will you improve at the craft that earns you cash?
That in mind, keep your ears and eyes open, and please don’t be an ass
By giving any flack back to anyone for any reason,
‘Cause trust me, bub, no matter the case, backtalk is never in season.

Now, wise up, smarten up, screw your heels in, and bite your bottom lip,
‘Cause you’re bound to be judged no matter what, be it gently or straight from the hip,
And keep the words that make the most sense separate from the verbal farts,
And I’m sure you’ll find it much easier to grow as a student of your art.
It’s like I’ve said, after all: Folks aren’t always kind, so grow a spine
And hope for the best while expecting the worst, fellow artist of mine.

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Poem of the Week: Grow Up and Do Your Job

Grow Up and Do Your Job
June 21, 2016

Grow up and do your job,
You pathetic, fat-assed slob!
Quit trying to evade
That for which you get paid
And that which ‘fore you has been lobbed.

I care not if the task’s reviled.
You’re just acting like a child
For trying to avoid
That which makes you annoyed
Yet’s still yours to complete all the while.

You’re an adult, for goodness’ sake!
Stop behaving like such a flake
And act your damn age
Like the wizened sage
You’re supposed to be, Ms. Half-Baked.

I don’t see why you’re so scared
Rolling up your sleeves to prepare
To dirty your hands
As per the demands
Of your occupation, Dame Blair.

Where do you get off dodging these,
Your responsibilities,
Anyways? ‘Cause you
Know it’s all too true
That you can’t always do as you please.

We all have jobs we must do
On this rock ‘til our lives are through,
And if you won’t do yours,
I know folks by the score
Who’ll gladly take them over from you

And do your job ten times better
Than a whiny, self-entitled fretter
Like you ever would
Or even could
While you sit at home knitting sweaters,

And when you’re all alone at home
With one dime left to call your own,
Relying on your kids
To keep you off the skids,
You’ll sit often ‘nough all alone

To ponder where your life went wrong,
And you’ll think back to this song,
And you’ll curse the day
You gave your spine away
And your boss made you say so long,

And as you sit there and weep
Every night ‘til you fall asleep
Feeling sorry for yourself,
A lone book upon a shelf,
It’ll at long last hit you deep:

It never pays one to shirk
Whenever it comes to one’s work,
For it will come to pass
When you take in the ass
The pain, you insensitive jerk,

For only the diligent reap
Reward for their work, which they keep
While the spineless and lazy
Are punished like crazy
In the end before the Big Sleep,

So you’d better grow up right away
And care ‘bout your tasks today
Before karma hits you
And leaves you oh so screwed,
Left to naught but wallow one day,

For prosperity never goes
To those who bring naught but woe
To others day and night
Out of petty spite
Towards their duties. Trust me, I know.

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Poem of the Week: Everywhere a Crisis

Everywhere a Crisis
January 26, 2016

Everywhere a crisis and often over squat,
Seeing injustice in the most minor of things.
Remarks so insipid that they make sane brains rot,
Yet the ignorant follow and help fuel the sting.

From faceless folks to those in the public limelight
Making such a fuss over the innocuous,
Mounting their soapboxes, screaming about their plight
So loudly and often that it’s ridiculous.

‘Twas all outrageous once upon a time, but now
It’s only gotten worse and will keep doing so.
If there was but a way we can stop it somehow…
But none can shut up fools for long, much to our woe.

Alas, all we can do is think for ourselves, friends,
When regarding stuff of questionable repute
And rely on logic to see us to the end,
And when the ignorant speak, stand up and refute,

For only courage and wisdom can see us through
When the self-righteous speak about which they know not
In an effort to brainwash folks like me and you
And have us join them in suffering from brain rot.

Think for yourselves, gang. That’s all I can really say,
For only you can shape your own thoughts and feelings.
Stand tall against ignorance, should you see the day
When truth wins after all and sends all fools reeling.

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com

                         Amazon.com

                         Amazon.co.uk