Screwing in My Heels
April 5, 2017
Fretting, lamenting, panicking
Gotta change my luck
Studying, orchestrating, toiling
Stir Crazy Stupid
May 21, 2015
Man, do I feel stupid—clueless, vapid, dumb!
So many obstacles these days I’m to overcome—
Things with which I’ve never had to cope in the past.
Ah, if only I knew how to make this nightmare pass,
For really, I no longer want any of this to last.
I used to know my math as well as anybody else,
Yet these days, even my adding needs a little help,
And even my writing leaves much to be desired,
No matter how often I do it or how often I’m inspired.
Really, my grammar’s so sloppy that I’m convinced to retire.
My knowledge of events past has also started to wane,
And I doubt I’ll ever remember my state’s capital again,
Much less the states that border mine on our nation’s map
Or when water boils or freezes or how maple trees make sap,
And that’s just the textbook stuff into which I can longer tap.
I’ve also forgotten how to cook my own stinking meals
And how to tend to my bruises and cuts so that they heal.
I can’t even clean a room anymore without making mistakes
And leaving even more dirt and dust than before in my wake.
I honestly don’t know how much more of myself I can take.
I’m surprised my dogs are as well-behaved and well-fed as they are.
I’m surprised my house is still standing. I can say the same for my car.
I’m surprised I’ve any wits left to write this lousy poem.
Oh, how I wish these dark thoughts of mine would leave me alone
And that some good fortune would come via mail or phone.
I know I am not perfect and my flaws, like my perks, are many,
But when it comes to good memories, I haven’t any
Coming to the forefront telling me I’m still worth something.
Instead, I’m sitting here, still fighting for the one thing
To save me from this madness ‘fore my brain becomes worse than nothing.
I know that doesn’t make sense, but hey, I said I was dumb.
You’ve all just read my lament ‘bout how my brain’s now numb.
Something’s got to give soon, too, ‘fore things get worse,
And if I ever wish to add coinage to my purse,
I’ve got to do my part to see to the end of my curse.
Trudge away I shall, then, as my sanity carries on
Plummeting by the second as I sing this bitter song.
Maybe one day, Lady Luck will finally open her eyes
And brighten the path before me to where greener pastures lie.
Until then, I must march forth through that which I’ve come to despise.
Author Pages: Smashwords.com
This week for my “Poem of the Week” segment, I’ve got for you just one more Shakespearean sonnet that hopefully illustrates what happens when the average individual dwells too hardly on the all the negative events that have taken place in his or her past. Without further ado, then, here’s Depression Buzz. Please enjoy!
August 26, 2013
So many thing I should have done and said
When I was young so many years ago…
When did they not pop into my dense head
When I oh so needed them to do so?
So often I had to learn the hard way
At so many things that it just plain hurt.
Even things I’d long loved would wreck my day,
All because I was that clueless a squirt.
Those days may be done in reality,
But in my mind they play time and again,
And I still envision just where I’d be,
Had I had my wits about me back then.
Was I truly the brat I think I was,
Or is this only a depression buzz?
Well, that should do it for this week, people. as usual, thank you all for stopping by my blog, and hopefully this week’s poem has given you some insight into what one’s pessimism can do to one’s outlook on life and overall mental wellbeing. That being said, all I have left to say is please stop by my author pages at Smashwords.com, Amazon.com, and Amazon.co.uk to see my current list of publications and, as always, happy reading!
Dustin M. Weber
Welcome back, readers!
Sorry this past week has been kind of slow on this blog, but I promise you that once UWWX: The Women’s Wrestling Xperiment is finally edited, things will pick up. In the meantime, I hope this week’s “Poem of the Week,” which chronicles one man’s struggle with anxiety and depression, makes up for the lack of posts I’ve produced this month so far.
Up & Down
July 12, 2012
Up and down, hot and cold,
That’s how I’ll be even when I’m old.
Sometimes I’m happy, other times sad,
Sometimes hopeful, other times mad.
Never am I balanced, never serene,
Always a whirlwind, if you know what I mean:
Not exactly dazed, but still confused,
I’ve smarts, but I still chance to blow a fuse
Inside this cross-wired brain of mine,
Making me wish I could jaunt back in time
To at least look back and understand
Just how I became such a messed-up man.
Then again, why bother reopening old wounds
When I’d be better off finding some help soon?
Not through meds, either; they’re just temporary.
Plus, the side effects are just plain scary.
Counseling, maybe? Psh! Not a chance!
I’ve had it with doing the “Mind Games Dance.”
Every shrink I’ve been to has been nothing but a joke,
And the cash I’ve given them has all gone up in smoke.
They’re either wishy-washy and don’t teach me squat
Or insensitive clods with no heart left to rot,
So guess what: Here I am on my own,
Dealing with something that’s cutting me to the bone,
And I’m so tired of feeling this way,
So I guess it’s up to me, starting today,
To forge my own path in purging my stress
Before it puts me under further duress
And screw my heels in when it comes to life
And teach myself to cope with my own strife.
After all, why rely on anyone else
When no one knows me better than myself?
I know my own problems. I know my own flaws,
So why shouldn’t self-betterment be my own cause?
That’s it, then! My mind’s all made up.
The chips are down, and I’ve had enough
Starting today, things’ll change for the better,
And no more shall I remain so fettered,
For I’ve finally figured out what to do
And someday, I hope to break through
And live normally like everyone else,
No longer feeling sorry for myself.
No more ups and downs, no more going hot and cold,
No more feeling how I’ll be when I grow old.
It may take a while—probably next to forever,
But in the end, I see myself achieving this endeavor.
And that should do it for this week. Thank you all very much for checking out my blog today, and as always, follow me on Twitter @DustinMWeber and keep your eyes open on my author page at Smashwords.com to see when UWWX will be available and to check out any of my other works. Until next time, then, happy reading!
Dustin M. Weber