Poem of the Week: The Vermin of YouTube

The Vermin of YouTube
March 31, 2017

Childish, foul-mouthed twerps bitching and moaning
‘Bout their fave networks going to the dogs;
Nagging malcontents whining and groaning,
Saying all films “suck”…self-entitled hogs;
Pompous nerds screaming ‘bout which characters
Are “killing” their favorite franchises;
Thin-skinned brats acting oh so immature
Likening their peers to groups like ISIS;
Conspiracy nuts shrieking lies so dumb
To make themselves feel better and us ill;
Lonely, bored trolls whose small minds are so numb
They feel the need to smear us with their swill…
All a sample of the hot trash in store
That can make surfing YouTube quite a chore.

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Bonus Poem of the Week: Sick Freaks: Another Rant about Conspiracy Theorists

Sick Freaks: Another Rant about Conspiracy Theorists
March 20, 2017

Sick freaks
Sick and stupid
Stupid about reality
Stupid with delusions
Delusions over tragedy
Delusions about the truth
Truth irrefutable
Truth that they deny
Deny with contrived logic
Deny with lies
Lies they tell themselves
Lies they tell others
Others they hope to influence
Others who know better
Better to know the real story
Better be careful
Careful with what you see
Careful with what you hear
Hear from these Kool-Aid drinkers
Hear from these finger-pointers
Pointers we all must learn
Pointers we all must remember
Remember concerning these jackasses
Remember, yet forget
Forget with each spam post
Forget with each space-stealing video
Video that gets countless views
Video that proves nothing of credibility
Credibility of any hoax
Credibility of the “truth”
Truth is that they’re immature
Truth is that they’re insensitive
Insensitive towards victims’ families
Insensitive towards survivors
Survivors trying to move on
Survivors who must still endure
Endure the trauma
Endure the drama
Drama we, too, suffer through
Drama they spread ‘round the world
World already a mess
World too vast
Vast and chaotic
Vast for any secret society to handle
Handle with its loosely connected members
Handle across each and every civilization
Civilization doesn’t need these assholes
Civilization doesn’t need these psychos
Assholes
Psychos

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Poem of the Week: Villanelle of Courage

Villanelle of Courage
March 19, 2017

I’m quite done feeling sorry for myself.
I’ve moaned enough groans and cried enough tears.
Time to store my self-pity on the shelf.

For too long, I’ve felt like a hapless whelp,
Always at the mercy of my own fear.
I’m quite done feeling sorry for myself.

Facing things alone, few folks ‘round to help,
Nagging doubts always raging in my ears…
Time to store my self-pity on the shelf.

‘Tis the cruelest thing in my life I’ve felt.
Nowadays, though, I’ve grown sick of the jeers.
I’m quite done feeling sorry for myself.

It’s about time I stood up for myself,
Took life by the horns, and conquered my fears.
Time to store my self-pity on the shelf.

After all, I alone can teach myself
To attain and keep that which I hold dear.
I’m quite done feeling sorry for myself.
Time to store my self-pity on myself.

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Bonus Poem of the Week: Another Rant about 21st Century Human Stupidity

Another Rant about 21st Century Human Stupidity
March 15, 2017

Some say we’ve lost our soul. Some say we’ve lost our body…
Hence why our entertainment media’s long been shoddy,
But if you ask me, I’d say we’ve also lost our minds,
For how stupid must we be to not choose to leave behind
All the crap that’s been in the world now for so long?
What else can make us believe that we’ve got nothing wrong
On our bookshelves, radios, game consoles, and TV and film screens?
‘Cause guess what—it ain’t perfect, if you know just what I mean.
That’s just the tip of this iceberg, though, for look at what else
Is wrong with us, such as just how wrapped up in ourselves
We’ve become over the years with these days being worse than ever.
For example, look at what happens when people get together
On the Internet, and one moron acts out his or her inner child
Against something quite innocent, being anything but mild
With an illiterate, long-winded tantrum either void of punctuation
Or riddled with exclamation points and poor capitalization
As he or she batters the poor soul with whom he or she disagrees,
Spewing out insults and accusations with the greatest of ease
Peppered with death threats, name-calling, and (of course) profanity,
Thinking such a display will make him or her look like a tough S.O.B.
When reality proves he or she is naught but a spiteful brat
Who really ought to clean up his or her act soon or just scat,
For such behavior in the real world doesn’t fly with most folks.
In fact, acting childish and self-entitled often blows up in smoke
And lands people in the doghouse, where other folks come to see
Just how infantile, deprived, and pathetic we humans can be.
Alas, too many are the places human foulness rears its head—
So many, in fact, that I’m surprised my soul isn’t yet dead
From having come across so many assholes gathered in one place
Relishing over foolish crap as humanity they further disgrace
With lies, both in word and in picture, of people better than they
Will ever be, not to mention all the tacky words they say;
Racial, sexist, and homophobic slurs; curses galore;
Celebrating innocent people’s deaths; and more trash talk in store
For all morbidly curious enough to read such crap themselves
With even more warped reality waiting for them the deeper they delve.
To think such scum exist in the real world never sits well with me.
“It takes all kinds,” I understand, but honestly, why should it be
That unprovoked hatred should run so rampant in this day and age?
Will we ever move forward in this world or forever stay on this page
And never progress in the story of the human race as it can be?
‘Cause really, I’ve had it up to my brow with such stupidity.
To think, too, that I’ve only scratched the surface of how braindead
Humanity can be with all the words I’ve already said.
The problem is, though, if I were to go on with this gripe,
I’d be here all day losing my own mind reporting all the tripe
I’ve seen and heard in all the years I’ve come to know it, friends,
So please forgive me for bringing this rant to a premature end.
The point remains, though, that we as a people have a ways
To go before we can claim that we’ve grown up in any way,
And I hope that day comes soon while I’m still alive to hear and see
Humanity reach its moral potential and prove how great we can be.

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Poem of the Week: Stupid Media, Stupid People

Stupid Media, Stupid People
March 10, 2017

Stupid media
Stupid people
People without standards
People with dead morals
Morals gone down the toilet
Morals and values
Values we all should have
Values we’ve all given up on
On TV
On movie screens
Screens filled with bleakness
Screens filled with gratuitous crap
Crap like brazen sex
Crap like excessive violence
Violence already rampant
Violence without levity
Levity from toxic stimuli
Levity that we all need
Need and want
Need but don’t have
Have we no spine
Have we no mind
Mind to reject this filth
Mind to demand better
Better for tomorrow’s generation
Better from media creators
Creators with more cash than credibility
Creators with more praise than talent
Talent elsewhere being ignored
Talent elsewhere being rejected
Rejected for little to no reason
Rejected at the gate
Gate locked tightly
Gate locked shut
Shut on new ideas
Shut on fresh ideas
Ideas that could reinvigorate
Ideas that could revitalize
Revitalize a scene so stale
Revitalize a scene so deprived
Deprived of vitality
Deprived of human interest
Interest from a new generation
Interest in something different
Different times
Different measures
Measures to be taken seriously
Measures to be taken now
Seriously!
Now!

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Bonus Poem of the Week: The Misguided PC Missile

The Misguided PC Missile
March 6, 2017

Living in a PC nation
Is a snowflake generation
Making all endure
That which is “pure”
Against certain stimulation,

Not stopping to understand
How they’re getting out of hand
And how their crusade
Has actually made
A mess across the land.

They claim to fight to end
The evils around each bend
In society
For you and me,
But truth be told, my friends,

They’re so blinded by their plight
That they can’t tell left from right,
And what lies in store
Hence becomes a war
That they wage day and night

Against all they see and hear,
No matter how vague or clear
Something matches the ill
That they’ve deemed to be swill
That others tend to steer clear

Of incurring their great wrath
And having them cut them in half
Or elsehow be rude
And blatantly crude
To garner from others a laugh,

Not bothering at all to show class,
But instead be spiteful and crass,
Trading in rapier wit
For clubs with which to hit
Us on our heads ‘long with their sass,

Not thinking for a minute that we
Have ears to hear, eyes to see,
And brains with which to think
And tell such humor stinks
‘Cause it’s lazy and dumb as can be.

Their arcs, too, are all the same trash
That make many yearn for the past
Back when we all had brains
And hadn’t gone insane
‘Nough to settle for any old hash.

The dramas aren’t much better, though,
Stemming from minds just as slow
And are as such just dull,
Derivative hulls
So alike they fill me with woe

With acting so painful and trite,
Dialogue so lacking in bite,
Blatant violence and sex,
And plots that leave me vexed
With acts so grim, they’re out of sight.

To think, too, we all eat this crap up
These days with little guff—
This mental junk food
When we already brood
Over all the world’s other bad stuff!

Could it be this filth fuels our rage
In this bitter day and age
When we go all out—
Rant, riot, and shout—
And demand the world turns a new page

Rather than directly counteracts
Social justice seekers’ acts
And their search to clean
This world once pristine
Of all smut and its constant attacks

On our morals and values today?
Then hey, I’ve something to say:
Instead of being blind
To who’s behind
Needs hurting in a major way,

Why not turn your eyes and ears
To what you right away can hear
And see is truly
Tacky as can be
And rip that crap a new rear?

Why not focus all your time
And energy on the slime
That’s long been killing
In a way so willing
What we all once held as sublime—

Stuff that’s long been such raw trash
That it’s been begging to be thrashed
Since it first appeared
Simply out of fear
Of it rending our morals to hash,

Which they’ve pretty much already done?
Wake up! Let’s all send on the run
The mediocre tripe
That’s long sponged all the hype
From what could otherwise have been fun,

Enjoyable, and nourishing,
Leaving even common folk wishing
That the god old days
We had not cast away
Into the past with our “Psh!-ing.”

Better yet, let’s stop being numb
To all that we know to be dumb
And take it to task
And send it to the past
‘Fore it makes us all mindless bums

Who’ll settle for anything
That the world’s clueless hacks will bring
And seat ‘fore their eyes
In high-qual disguise
That which the world will feel some sting.

That’s what’s long been wrong, you see—
Our own rampant stupidity
And if we don’t, friends,
Bring it to an end,
Where exactly shall we be

When our morals and values die?
What will happen to you and I?
Will we all stand together
And change things for the better
Or be forced to say goodbye

To all that we once thought of as nice
As the world falls to sin and vice,
Where all hope is gone
‘Cause we sang the wrong songs
Back when we all skated on thin ice?

The time to wise up is now
While we can pull things through somehow
And put to and end
The real trouble ‘round the bend,
For the future is bleak—and how!

Our ignorance is all to blame,
For it’s humanity’s greatest shame,
And come high water
Or Hell, we oughta
Get our heads back in the game.

Our pride and hate have done us squat
In escaping this nasty plot.
Now, come on, people. Think
‘Fore we further sink.
Otherwise, we’ll completely rot.

*****

 
Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Poem of the Week: Alphabet Rush of Defiance

Alphabet Rush of Defiance
February 27, 2017

Aggravation. Boredom. Carelessness, too.
Damned if I doze off every midday through.
Evenings I’ve spent working for a future yet to come.
Goodness gracious, do I feel like such a blasted bum!
How the hell can I do it? I guess I may never know.
Just judge me, though, for trying, when I have something to show
Knuckleheads like you, for a loser you may see,
But a moron I’m not, nor a nimrod I shall be.
Opportunity waits, after all, and pretty soon,
I’ll quickly rise through the ranks and leave you to swoon
At all the trouble I’ve endured and the triumph I’ll procure
Under ugly circumstances with much venom to endure.
What will you do then? X-crete in your pants with shock?
Yeah, I can believe that. Now please return to your flock
As I zig and zag through obstacles to become number one.
Until then, keep mocking me. I dare you, naysaying scum!

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

Rap of the Week: Dan Schneider’s Paradise

All That logoHey, readers!

This week, I’ve reached back to the 1990s to attain the inspiration behind this latest entry on my blog: a remembrance piece dedicated to the much beloved Nickelodeon sketch comedy All That. To summarize things, I basically imagined the kind of performance piece I would have liked to put on, had I ever been a member of the All That cast, and set it to the tune of Gangsta’s Paradise by Coolio from the soundtrack of the film Dangerous Minds. That being said, regardless of whether or not you’re a fan of any of the aforementioned items, I still hope you enjoy what I’ve written here. Thanks and happy reading!

Regards,
Dustin M. Weber

*****

Dan Schneider’s Paradise
March 3, 2017

As I walk into the Green Room of the All That set,
I take a look all around me and begin to fret
‘Cause I’ve reacted to his randomness for so long
That even my friends think that my mind has gone,
But I ain’t never gotten a laugh and didn’t earn it.
Me be thought of as a frump? Take that trash and burn it.
Just watch me hold my own against Detective Dan
And the destructive force known as Repair Man-Man-Man.
It may come at the cost of my sanity,
But I can do it all without profanity (Fool!).
I’m the kind of joker other kids wanna be like.
Now sit back as I ham it up in the spotlight.

We’ve been spending our TV lives living in Dan Schneider’s paradise,
His comic grip tight like a vice, living in Dan Schneider’s paradise.
We’re trapped in a cage like mice, living in Dan Schneider’s paradise.
“Dance, rodents, and don’t think twice,” living in Dan Schneider’s paradise.

We cast members are facin’ a situation—
Not just any normal life filled with sketch comedy “strife,”
But one in which logic soars out the front door
With the personification of a plush ear of corn
And stupid people writing questions for a little girl
To answer with such fury that’d make your toes curl
While a lactose-intolerant superhero
Monologues the forces of evil down to zero (Fool!),
And don’t expect the end-of-show music acts to save
A hapless blue puppet when his master misbehaves.
It’s all just another day on the set of All That,
And if you’re not up to it, the just scat.

The Island Girls have been stranded for so long
Without any luxuries,
And Coach Kreeton’s been battered and bruised to where
He’s as miserable as can be.

We’ve been spending our TV lives living in Dan Schneider’s paradise.
We’ve been skating on thin ice living in Dan Schneider’s paradise.
Our fame and fortune may be nice, living in Dan Schneider’s paradise,
But it comes at such a price, living in Dan Schneider’s paradise.

Minute after minute, sketch after sketch,
Commercials only prolonging what’ll happen next,
Like Pierre Escargot’s warped lessons in French
Or Squash Boy leaving his friends waiting for him on the bench
While the Cheese Police bust another perp dealing gouda
And Miss Piddlin peddles peas like they’re her personal Buddha.
That’s what happens on a Dan Schneider cruise
As reported in the Channel 6-1/2 News (Fool!).

We’ve been spending our TV lives living in Dan Schneider’s paradise.
Our brains have become fried from living in Dan Schneider’s paradise.
Kids tune in and don’t think twice when they watch Dan Schneider’s paradise,
But trust me: it ain’t always nice living in Dan Schneider’s paradise.

Tell me how can it be that our time on TV
Can have such an effect on you and me?
Tell me how can it be that our time on TV
Can have such an effect on you and me?

*****

Author Pages: Smashwords.com
                         Amazon.com
                         Amazon.co.uk

*****

All That and All That logo (c) 1994-2005 Nickelodeon Productions, Tollin/Robbins Productions, and Schneider’s Bakery. Dangerous Minds (c) 1995 Hollywood Pictures, Simpson/Bruckheimer, and Via Rosa Productions. Gangsta’s Paradise (c) 1995 MCA Records/Universal Music Group. All other content provided above, however, is the author’s own.