A Fool’s Determination
January 14, 2016
As I sit and brood in my loft,
I can’t help but reflect and scoff.
Just where was my heads?
How could I be braindead
And not feel something was off?
I should have known at first sight
That something just wasn’t right,
But I though with my heart—
Not my head—at the start
And submitted without a fight.
I gave it all I had, too—
One hundred percent through and through—
And what do I get?
What do I have yet
By which I remember you?
Just a piece of junk with no worth
And a void where there used to be mirth
In the core of my soul
That has taken its toll
On what should have been my rebirth
From the scared little boy I still am
Into a strong, confident man
With a loving family
Who’d look up to me
As the greatest man in the land:
Strong in both body and mind,
Never shirking ‘way from the grind,
Back fully off the wall
As I confront it all
With guts and nerves backing my behind
And, more importantly, brains
To keep me from going insane
And to sort it all out,
Find out what it’s about
Before I get hit with the pain.
Sadly, I hadn’t any wits,
And boy, did I get hit
Where it hurts others most,
And now I’ll never boast
Having wife, kids, home—none of it!
What have I nowadays to show
For my life to those who don’t know
What I’m worth to the world,
Every boy and girl?
Practically naught but my own woe.
I could have been somebody grand—
Someone worth shaking everyone’s hand
From those who can’t pay rent
To the President
And all in between, woman and man.
Alas, what am I now, though,
But a hapless, hopeless schmo
Who should’ve been smart
From the very start
But now wallows in shame and woe
All ‘cause I was too dumb to look
‘Fore I leapt across the brook.
Yeah, ain’t that nice?
Now I’m paying the price
Over all that time I took.
Hopefully, there’s a way
To redeem myself someday
And prove to everyone
That I’m not just some bum
Whose beyond his own best days,
And when that day comes, folks’ll see
That there’s far more to me
Than what they see now.
I’ll prove it—and how!—
Exactly what I’ve meant to be,
And all this crap I’ve been through
Will be tossed to the sky so blue,
All figments of the past,
Nevermore to last,
And I’ll no more be haunted by you,
And my future will at last be bright,
And I’ll finally see the light
Just you watch me
At last I’ll succeed in this plight.
‘Til then, enjoy my misery,
You spiteful son of a B.
Many battles you’ve scored,
But I’ll win the war
In the end. Just you wait and see!
Author Pages: Smashwords.com