Down but Not Quite Out
November 21, 2015
Not knowing where to go, not knowing what to do,
Not knowing who I am or who I’ll be when I’m through,
Never proud of my merits, no matter what praise I get,
Always seeing upcoming ventures as “the worst one yet.”
Never thinking I’ll get anywhere in life,
Especially where I want to be with all my personal strife,
Wishing I was a winner from when I was born ‘til now,
Wondering if I ever was, and if I was, then how?
After all, with all of the mistakes I’ve made
Has come a great price that I still haven’t fully paid.
When will I stop paying? Honestly, I can but guess.
Hopefully soon, though, for I expect to pass this test,
And hopefully I can still be a winner one day.
Really, I wish it would happen in the worst way.
Maybe it will happen once I get my act together
And bring upon myself some change in the “whether,”
And yes, I spelled that “whether” as in “whether or not”
I’ll at last earn what I want or stay with what little I’ve got.
I’d like to have the money to help support my family
And daily prove to be the best person I can be.
That day hasn’t come yet, but I’m hoping that it will
Once I hoist my carcass out of my self-pity and swill
And actually apply myself to the goals I wish to achieve.
All I really need is to have discipline and believe,
And who knows? All this drama just might become history
As would be true with all my lousy insecurity.
Wouldn’t that be great? Oh, how my voice would ring the rafters
If I could at long last live happily ever after.
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