Poem of the Week: My Troubles in 2014 with Windows Update

A pic of the popup with which I've been having issues previously this month

A pic of the popup with which I’d been having issues previously this month

DISCLAIMER: The following reverse sestina is NOT a guide on how to correct the error mentioned within, but rather a composition “inspired” by my dealings with this problem during the week of this poem’s composition. For information on how to cope with this issue, should you be experiencing it yourselves, please Google “Disable Windows Update Needs Your Help” or check out the following links:


My apologies to anyone who has been mislead otherwise by the title of this poem. Hopefully it will not prevent your enjoyment of this work, should you be willing to stick around and read it.

Thank you.
Dustin M. Weber


My Troubles in 2014 with Windows Update
September 7, 2014

Forget you, Windows Update! You’re driving me insane.
You’re messing with my computer in ways I can barely explain.
Day by day, I’ve had to put up with your senseless stupidity.

It was in mid-August when I started going insane.
The number of installed updates to my computer was hard to explain—
Thirty-one, to be exact, and no thanks then to my stupidity,
I couldn’t understand why the system couldn’t automatically keep up
On its own, so I Tried downloading the files onto my computer
Until it was at last up to snuff, according to Windows Update.

Five days later, something I can even now just barely explain
Happened mere seconds after I’d booted up
In the form of a popup telling me I’d yet to update
In the past month, even though my computer
Was already up to speed. Honestly, what stupidity!
That’s only how I began, however, to go insane.

So then I agree to check for updates, bringing that screen up,
Hoping that doing so would benefit my computer.
When it was checking, though, the same popup went insane
With how it popped up every minute with its sheer stupidity
Telling me the same thing it did before about Windows Update.
So annoying was it, in fact, that words can only begin to explain.

Eventually, I was able to find new updates for my computer,
But had to restart it in hopes of being done with the stupidity
Once and for all. However, for reasons I just can’t explain,
The same popup returned days later asking me to update
My computer again, which I felt was little else than insane.
After all, wasn’t it only days earlier when I’d kept it up?

It’s been weeks later since, and I’m still coping with this stupidity
In being told my computer is in need of updates.
I can only guess by now just how long this will keep up—
Hopefully not too much longer, else I’ll be driven only more insane,
Lest there’s someone out there who can kindly explain
Just what the hell is going on with my computer.

It makes me wonder, too, if I’m the only one for whom Windows Update
Acts this way or if anyone else out there is going insane
After downloading new updates onto his or her computer.
This problem is just too baffling and frustrating for me to explain
In ways other than this, but hopefully this whole mess shan’t keep up
Much longer, for heaven knows how sick I am of all this stupidity.


Author Pages: Smashwords.com



PS: Credit for the pic used in this blog entry goes to “How to disable ‘Windows update needs your help’ pop-up in Windows 8/8.1 clients” by SEPANDUR (March 11, 2014) at Blogst.Technet.com. The poem itself, however, is the author’s own.


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