Over the course of 2012, I have written a number of articles and poems regarding my feelings towards women’s professional wrestling, including how it has declined since “back in the day.” Sadly, even in 2014, things haven’t improved by much. Granted, the WWE Divas Division seems to be slowly but surely improving as of late, but with so many WWE fans (and wrestling fans in general) voicing their disenchantment with Total Divas on E! and with the company’s focus on building more angles on that show rather than on their primary programming, there’s obviously still plenty of room for improvement. There have also been grumblings about how TNA’s Knockouts Division has degenerated into a shell of its former self by becoming more or less everything that it has fought against (i.e., the second coming of the WWE Divas Division 2004-2008) when it’d first started, and I’m sure that many people are hoping that Global Force Wrestling’s women’s division—assuming, of course, that said promotion hits the ground running as planned later this year or early next year—doesn’t end up being just another glorified burlesque Las Vegas sideshow. Needless to say, then, I’ve written the following poem as a means of venting my own grievances about women’s wrestling today and voicing my own concern for its survival in the near future. After all, good women’s wrestling shouldn’t be reserved solely for the independent circuit (i.e., Shimmer, Shine, Women Superstars Uncensored, etc.).
Therefore, without further ado, here’s Women’s Wrestling Ultimatum. Enjoy!
Women’s Wrestling Ultimatum
May 16, 2014
I’m sick of bras and panties. I’m sick of evening gowns.
Why the hell is all this über-girly crap still around?
I’m sick of bikini-clad bimbos prancing ‘round the place.
It makes women wrestlers look like fools, and it’s such a sad disgrace.
I’m sick of the tacky costumes and girls with empty gimmicks
‘Bout as much as girls who are boring, interchangeable, and generic.
I’m sick of all the catfights, the pillow fights, and the slappin’,
And it’s 2014, for crying out loud! How can all this crap still happen?
What happened to the progress we’ve made over the years?
Haven’t the fans of women’s wrestling made it loud and clear?
Haven’t we complained enough time after time after time
‘Bout the changes that must be made and all that must be left behind?
We’re sick of all the sexism—this petty misogyny
That’s been paraded before our eyes for all the critics to see.
We’re sick of all the promoters who treat their women like trash.
We’re sick of taking schlock and smut straight up our collective ass.
Where are the competitive matches, each ten-plus minutes long?
Where’s all the heavy-hitting that strikes wrestling fans like gongs?
Where are all the crazy high-lying spots that make fans drop their jaws
And the impressively fluid chain wrestling that leaves fans in awe?
Why can’t women be booked in a fashion like that of men?
Why make them a side attraction like they were way back when?
Just ‘cause some women can’t wrestle doesn’t make them all a joke,
So why put handcuffs on them? Just let them go for broke.
Why hold them back? For fear that they might upset the boys?
Why not let them prove that they’re more than eye candy and toys?
If the men can’t outdo them in the ring, they’ve only themselves to blame?
So cut the crap already and let the women partake in the game.
It’s not the 1950s anymore, so screw the domestic scene
And let the girls play with the boys, and let them live their dreams.
Leave your bigotry in the past where it belongs and give girls a chance
To prove their mettle on the mat and join the boys in the dance.
Well, that should do it for this week. Thank you all for reading, and by all means, if you’re as worried about women’s professional wrestling as I am, feel free to leave your feedback in the comments section below. Also, in the rare instance that any of you reading this happen to run your own wrestling promotion, no mater how major or minor your promotion just happens to be, remember this one thing: Either treat the women on your roster well and present them like the serious competitors they deserve to be seen as, or don’t have women’s wrestling at all!
Aside from that, folks, don’t be afraid to check out my author pages at Smashwords.com, Amazon.com, and Amazon.co.uk for more about me and my current literary works. Likewise, be sure to keep an eye out for the latest news concerning my latest project, The Kingdom of Somnia, and until we meet again, folks, happy reading!
Dustin M. Weber
PS: All credit for the photographs used in this blog entry go to the following sources:
Venus of World Wrestling Professionals: WWP.co.za
Support Women’s Wrestling logo: BarberShopWindow.com
All opinions expressed in this article, however, are my own.