Just thought I’d come back up here to share with you my latest poem: a limerick chain “dedicated” to all those people out there who basically have no business being in any position of power—no matter on how grand (i.e. a national leader) or small (i.e., a moderator on some small Internet forum) a scale—on account of their sheer arrogance, ignorance, and consequent, utter refusal to change for the better. My apologies in advance, too, for anyone named Riley who doesn’t fit this mold, for I’d more or less chosen the name for this particular caricature at random. Any resemblances to any person living or dead is thus coincidental. Without further ado, then, here’s Memo for Mr. Riley. Please enjoy!
Memo for Mr. Riley
November 5, 2013
You really need to grow up, dude.
You’re just so obnoxious and rude,
And you’ve no biz
Saying what “annoying” is
When you’re the worst of such a brood.
You’re such a mess up in the attic.
You’re mind’s so monochromatic.
You see in all in black and white—
“You’re wrong, I’m right”—
And thinking otherwise makes static
Up inside your underused brain,
And what makes you even more insane
Is when you force your will
On ev’ry Jack and Jill
To accept your doctrine plain,
And forget diplomacy!
Tactful’s not what you tend to be.
Like a cudgel, you’re blunt,
And I wonder if you grunt
Like a caveman ‘mongst your family.
Manners mean nothing to you,
No matter what you say or do.
Forget calling you rude;
You’re downright crude,
You obnoxious, belligerent shrew.
“Two side to ev’rything”—
Such is what you like to sing.
Then again, hypocrite,
You don’t practice it,
Lest it’s the “I’m right, you’re wrong” thing,
And when you’re right and one comes
To apologize to you, you scum,
You scoff and say “Whatever”
To their honest endeavor,
Further whipping the already flogged bum
Of the person who’s crying to come clean.
Honestly, must you live to be mean,
Getting off on others’ shame,
Suffering, and pain?
What’s your motive for being so obscene?
Worse yet, you’re not above being catty
And scratching underbellies so fatty
And underbellies slim
When you know you can’t win
A clean debate. That’s just ratty!
You care about naught but control
Over others, you heartless little troll,
And it sickens me much,
Your behavior and such,
And you heart hard and black like coal.
However, your nastiest trait
Shows when folks step up to debate
All your flaws I’ve discussed,
And in rage and disgust,
You counter their points with hate.
You attack all their points in haste,
Loud and forceful, trying to lay waste
To that which you see
Yet your efforts are naught but a waste,
For you end up playing the fool
When you try desperately to school
Those with whom you disagree.
It’s quite laughable to me
‘Til my skin gets all bristly and cool
When I realize just how few
Folks have it to stand up to you
And call your hide out
For what you’re all about.
Then I get so sick through and through.
So sad that so few have the spine
To stand up to the conceited swine
That you truly are,
And yet, look how far
Up you’ve been on the ladder all this time.
You clearly have friends in high places
Who gladly tolerate your disgraces,
Else you’d be out on your rump
And down in the dumps,
And you’d have one big welt where your face is.
The fact that you’ve friends at all
Quite frankly leaves me appalled.
Please tell me how that works
With you being such a jerk
And not hiding your true nature at all.
It’s no secret you’re so immature
And that your manners aren’t demure,
Yet you get away clean
With being so mean—
Just more proof how this world’s so impure.
Well, guess what, then, you boorish creep:
Stay up there on your mountain steep
With your own fecal mass.
You’re a pain in the ass,
And I hope one day it sinks deep
Into your brain just how vile,
Repulsive, and juvenile
You’ve been all this time
And that all your crimes
Haunt you for a long, long while.
Maybe then, you’ll finally grow up
And move on with your life, you sick pup,
And stop shoving your will
Onto others like a pill,
‘Cause really, enough is enough.
After all, on this side of the fence,
There’s no room for the intolerance
You’ve repeatedly shown,
Cutting others to the bone
With your temper and ignorance,
And if you won’t grow up, dude,
Good riddance, for you’re just too rude
And self-centered a brat,
And that is that.
None need to cope with such an attitude.
Well, that’s it for today. Thank you all for stopping by, and please don’t hesitate to come on back this coming Sunday for my usual “Poem of the Week.” In the meantime, feel free to share this work with your friends and loved ones, especially if they happen to fit the mold of one “Mr. Riley,” as I’ve so chosen to call him, or are at least dealing with someone of this nature. Also feel free to stop on by my author pages at Smashwords.com, Amazon.com, and Amazon.co.uk, should you be in the mood to do some holiday shopping. Otherwise, take care, and happy reading!
Dustin M. Weber