Bonus Poem of the Week: Memo for Mr. Riley

Hello, readers!

Just thought I’d come back up here to share with you my latest poem: a limerick chain “dedicated” to all those people out there who basically have no business being in any position of power—no matter on how grand (i.e. a national leader) or small (i.e., a moderator on some small Internet forum) a scale—on account of their sheer arrogance, ignorance, and consequent, utter refusal to change for the better. My apologies in advance, too, for anyone named Riley who doesn’t fit this mold, for I’d more or less chosen the name for this particular caricature at random. Any resemblances to any person living or dead is thus coincidental. Without further ado, then, here’s Memo for Mr. Riley. Please enjoy!


Memo for Mr. Riley
November 5, 2013

You really need to grow up, dude.
You’re just so obnoxious and rude,
And you’ve no biz
Saying what “annoying” is
When you’re the worst of such a brood.

You’re such a mess up in the attic.
You’re mind’s so monochromatic.
You see in all in black and white—
“You’re wrong, I’m right”—
And thinking otherwise makes static

Up inside your underused brain,
And what makes you even more insane
Is when you force your will
On ev’ry Jack and Jill
To accept your doctrine plain,

And forget diplomacy!
Tactful’s not what you tend to be.
Like a cudgel, you’re blunt,
And I wonder if you grunt
Like a caveman ‘mongst your family.

Manners mean nothing to you,
No matter what you say or do.
Forget calling you rude;
You’re downright crude,
You obnoxious, belligerent shrew.

“Two side to ev’rything”—
Such is what you like to sing.
Then again, hypocrite,
You don’t practice it,
Lest it’s the “I’m right, you’re wrong” thing,

And when you’re right and one comes
To apologize to you, you scum,
You scoff and say “Whatever”
To their honest endeavor,
Further whipping the already flogged bum

Of the person who’s crying to come clean.
Honestly, must you live to be mean,
Getting off on others’ shame,
Suffering, and pain?
What’s your motive for being so obscene?

Worse yet, you’re not above being catty
And scratching underbellies so fatty
And underbellies slim
When you know you can’t win
A clean debate. That’s just ratty!

You care about naught but control
Over others, you heartless little troll,
And it sickens me much,
Your behavior and such,
And you heart hard and black like coal.

However, your nastiest trait
Shows when folks step up to debate
All your flaws I’ve discussed,
And in rage and disgust,
You counter their points with hate.

You attack all their points in haste,
Loud and forceful, trying to lay waste
To that which you see
As stupidity,
Yet your efforts are naught but a waste,

For you end up playing the fool
When you try desperately to school
Those with whom you disagree.
It’s quite laughable to me
‘Til my skin gets all bristly and cool

When I realize just how few
Folks have it to stand up to you
And call your hide out
For what you’re all about.
Then I get so sick through and through.

So sad that so few have the spine
To stand up to the conceited swine
That you truly are,
And yet, look how far
Up you’ve been on the ladder all this time.

You clearly have friends in high places
Who gladly tolerate your disgraces,
Else you’d be out on your rump
And down in the dumps,
And you’d have one big welt where your face is.

The fact that you’ve friends at all
Quite frankly leaves me appalled.
Please tell me how that works
With you being such a jerk
And not hiding your true nature at all.

It’s no secret you’re so immature
And that your manners aren’t demure,
Yet you get away clean
With being so mean—
Just more proof how this world’s so impure.

Well, guess what, then, you boorish creep:
Stay up there on your mountain steep
With your own fecal mass.
You’re a pain in the ass,
And I hope one day it sinks deep

Into your brain just how vile,
Repulsive, and juvenile
You’ve been all this time
And that all your crimes
Haunt you for a long, long while.

Maybe then, you’ll finally grow up
And move on with your life, you sick pup,
And stop shoving your will
Onto others like a pill,
‘Cause really, enough is enough.

After all, on this side of the fence,
There’s no room for the intolerance
You’ve repeatedly shown,
Cutting others to the bone
With your temper and ignorance,

And if you won’t grow up, dude,
Good riddance, for you’re just too rude
And self-centered a brat,
And that is that.
None need to cope with such an attitude.


Well, that’s it for today. Thank you all for stopping by, and please don’t hesitate to come on back this coming Sunday for my usual “Poem of the Week.” In the meantime, feel free to share this work with your friends and loved ones, especially if they happen to fit the mold of one “Mr. Riley,” as I’ve so chosen to call him, or are at least dealing with someone of this nature. Also feel free to stop on by my author pages at,, and, should you be in the mood to do some holiday shopping. Otherwise, take care, and happy reading!


Dustin M. Weber


11 thoughts on “Bonus Poem of the Week: Memo for Mr. Riley

  1. Interesting poem. Reminds me of some blockhead moderator I found myself butting heads with on some website once upon a time. What a condescending, ill-mannered, narcissistic schmuck he was! Honestly, I don’t know how he was ever given his position in the first place, lest he was butt buddies with the webmaster, who had maturity issues of his own at the time.

    Anyways, thanks for sharing. Peace out and good luck to ya! 😉

    • I think I know the jerk you’re talking about, actually…and yeah, assuming that I’m right in my assumption, I have to agree with you there. The guy was a real creep, and it still makes me sick to this day that the webmaster (who was kind of a juvenile twit in his own right) and all his fellow moderators allowed him to pull some of the most disgusting, childish, self-serving, asinine crap I’d ever witnessed on any forum. It especially made me sick whenever he caused drama with other forum users and going out of his way to embarrass them by throwing e-tantrums their way and trying so hard to be “thorough,” for lack of a better word, in refuting whatever points they’d made that he came off as being more desperate to counter them than anything else and “winning” the argument on account of it. Heck, there was this one kid who’d lost his cool in one of the threads over something stupid and got carried away whom this moderator and a whole bunch of other people tried to shut down, and when the kid apologized openly about his behavior, this moderator didn’t have the backbone to firmly accept his apology. Instead, he just got moody and said, “Whatever. I still think it’s childish…” and kept chewing the poor kid up about it despite his remorse. I’m sorry, but crap like that’s just unforgivably spiteful and cold-hearted!

      I just hope by now that this jackass I’m talking about (“Lord Riley”/”Sir Riley” from, BTW, in case anyone cares) has either a) left the Internet for good (especially that stupid forum he was elected to moderate) or b) grown up somehow. I personally hope that both are the case, but hey, that’s just me. Good riddance to him either way and to all the other moderators who allowed him to get away with pulling all the crap he did when he held any power as an administrator of that site. Honestly, people with that much of an ego and that much immaturity have NO BUSINESS having such power over others, no matter how grand or little a scale, and I just wish someone–ANYONE–had called the bastard out when he’d pulled the stunts he had and that the webmaster would have had balls enough himself to openly and outright expell his ass from the forums forever. Again, what a scumbag–not that the webmaster was much better for having him on board, but still…

      • Yeah, it’s pretty petty and disgusting when people try to act all tough on the Internet, I must agree. These people (usually guys) really aren’t tough at all in real life; they just act so in order to project themselves as being bigger and “badder” than they really are. In truth, internet tough guys (and girls) are, for the most part, nothing more than cowardly, infantile, obnoxious, insecure, and sometimes downright stupid punks who more likely than not wouldn’t act in such a pathetically macho fashion in the real world for fear of getting their heads handed to them by someone who’s obviously tougher than they could ever hope to be. There are exceptions to this rule, of course, but for the most part, I find it hard to take Internet toughs all that seriously.

        Thanks for your response, and cheers!

      • Sorry I’m late to the party, but I agree. That “Sir Riley” jackass from was just that: a jackass. You know those sorry excuses for human life we all hear about–if not, in fact, have the misfortune to actually meet in the real world–who always believe that they’re right and everyone who disagrees with them is wrong? “Sir Riley” fit that mold to a T. Hell, I swear there were times in the forums where he would blatantly disagree with people for the sake of disagreeing with them, even if doing so meant stirring up drama, which is what moderators were supposed to SQUASH in the first place. Don’t even get me started, either, on how he “annoyed” he would get if someone were to DARE respond to something (“everything”) he’d say, no matter how polite/respectful, truthful, or intelligent the other person was being. More likely than not, the little bastard would go out of his way to insult and embarrass you in a fashion that you, IKSPR, so discerningly described: by basically taking each point the person had made and giving it the “Nuh-uh!” treatment, then throwing his half-baked arguments back in the other person’s face so blatantly and messily and with such flawed, self-serving, and even flat-out hypocritical logic as if to say, “I’m a moderator here. You’re not. I’m right. You’re wrong.” He wasn’t thorough at all in his side of the debate, just loud, obnoxious, childish, pig-headed, and even embarrassingly butthurt. In fact, I even remember him using the whole “two sides to everything” line against this one poor soul when everyone who ever knew about “Sir Riley” knew that he of ALL people had the least amount of business (i.e., none at all) saying such a thing.

        I’m sorry, but you do NOT give idiots like this any kind of control over anyone or anything, not even something as minor as a message board on a website dedicated to a lousy toy line from the early- to mid-1980s (Sorry, but it was, considering how similar–even IDENTICAL–the figures looked at times to each other.). “Sir Riley” was everything that a moderator shouldn’t be: thin-skinned when it came to himself, callous when it came to others (save for what few friends he ever had), mean-spirited, self-righteous, infantile, shaming, hypocritical, and just an all-around bastard. Screw him, screw webmaster JVS3 for recruiting him to help monitor his idiotic forum, and godspeed to anyone who had the balls to call him out on his BS back in the day and to anyone who was ever bullied by him. Cyberbullies should be called out and put down, NOT elevated or ignored at all. Good riddance, Sir Riley…to you and to everyone just like you!

      • Lead moderator Havoc wasn’t that much better. I remember him picking fights with board members as well over simple misunderstandings that had been blown out of proportion rather than actually talking things out with such people via private messaging like the adult he was supposed to be…and he was twenty-nine, thirty years old at the time, too! Then again, I didn’t much care for webmaster JVS3, either, seeing as he tried WAY too hard to be funny on the boards and effectively came off as an annoying frat boy who wasn’t mentally prepared for the real world and was even a jerk to one of the board members who told him and his fellow moderators in private that he wanted to quit on account of some of the other board members treating him like crap.

        Overall, then, I hope has cleaned up its act since then, if it hasn’t closed down. After all, you don’t put children in charge of ANYTHING, no matter how great or small. If you’re not going to take your responsibilities like an adult, no matter where you are or what you do, then please…for the love of whatever higher power you believe in…hit the bricks, ace!

      • In response to you, GTHUSRoHM.O and PCBSC, all I can say is that if there’s one thing about being an adult or even simply being in charge of at least one other person that I’ve learned over the years, it’s that it’s better to be firm with the people who aren’t in agreement with you rather than flippant. There is a difference, after all, between holding your ground and trying to make others leave theirs, and between the two, you’re better off committing to the former rather than the latter—especially considering that trying to make people leave their ground more often enough means leaving your own in the process. Sadly, there are too many people in this world who haven’t learned this process, and in my opinion, in the instance that “Sir Riley,” “Havoc,” and “JVS3” of and “khentimentiu/K” of are as childish, self-absorbed, and thick-skulled as everyone here has claimed them to be, then it’s sad to know that such individuals have been given the authority they had been. Personally, I wish someone would have had the perception to witness these individuals’ apparently destructive behavior as well as the courage and wisdom to confront them about it right then and there when the time called for it. That way, they would have been brought to terms with how they were coming off towards the people who had a problem with them and would have stopped themselves before they did any more damage (inadvertent or otherwise), changed their behavior for the better, and found it within themselves to make amends with the people they’d hurt. Judging from how old most of the comments for this poem have become, however (myself and you guys alike), I say the whole thing has become moot, and there’s nothing any of us can do but hope that these people—again, assuming they were indeed the immature scumbags they’ve been described as here—have for a fact grown up, moved on, and somehow atoned for putting the wrong foot forward with as many people as they have. I mean, sure, we can hope that any and all of these people have seen this poem and the feedback you’ve all given it and will bring it upon themselves to apologize for hurting the people whom they allegedly have, but let’s be realistic: The odds are slim to none as far as that happening, and not to sound cruel, but these individuals more likely than not no longer care (if they ever did in the first place) about the instances/behaviors you’ve all told me about.

        Thanks for your feedback all the same, but still…the past is the past, and all we can do now is that the moderators of the forums that are up and running today have learned from the mistakes of the moderators of yesterday.

  2. No disrespect, Dustin, but didn’t you make reference to a website in one of your articles last year that hosted a Bloody Roar wiki of some kind? Because I visited that same site, too (, a.k.a. BLOODYROARHQ), and I have got to say that their one moderator, “K” (who I found out is also known as “khentimentiu” on YouTube) has got to be one of the most childish and obnoxious Bloody Roar fans (and people in general) I’ve ever come to know. Anyone who talks about Bloody Roar and has an opinion that he somehow disagrees with (which is basically 90-99% of the people whom he interacts with on the ‘Net) always gets the riot act from him, whether it concerns the games themselves or some aspect about the series’ characters. Worse yet, he allegedly hails from the UK, yet apparently can’t type proper English whenever he makes these annoying arguments in which he personally insults the other person and accuses them of being a “whiner” or a “wuss” or “sucking” at the game or even being “gay” (amongst other crap), all the while typing in all lowercase with little to no punctuation and acting like a God-forsaken, pseudointellectual elitist, trying to make the other person feel like a complete moron for simply having an HONEST OPINION. Heck, I’ve seen him troll SCXCR’s Bloody Roar retrospective videos on YouTube several times, and there was even a thread on BLOODYROARHQ that referenced your Bloody Roar Reboot series…

    …in which he whined and cried about your opinion about Fox and how you’d reboot the guy for your version of the series. Needless to say, the one guy to whom he was responding–a guy named “Back to the Cave,” who was the one responsible for starting the thread to begin with–closed his account, probably because he didn’t want to put up with the likes of the little cretin or his ilk anymore. You know what, too? I can’t blame him, if that was the case.

    “K” or “khentimentiu,” whatever name you prefer to be called by…if you’re reading this, you really need to grow up and shut up. You’ve got to be the WORST (i.e., most self-righteous, condescending, and overbearing) Bloody Roar “fan” of all time. The idea of you going off about the Bloody Roar series the way you do over the Internet is just embarrassing, and “fans” like you for ANY franchise are just a laughingstock on account of how you make your favorite video games, comics, movies, books, and TV shows and their fanbases look like crap as the result of your petty, narcissistic behavior. Either learn to agree to disagree with people, or shut the hell up and keep your opinions to yourself. I honestly don’t know how someone with your utter lack of maturity could ever become the moderator for any website, and it really shows me how poor the webmaster of is at judging people’s character.

    Oh, and if Dustin here EVER revives his Bloody Roar reboot and you have the gall to attack him for an opinion of his that you disagree with…so help me…

    • After reading the thread you’ve given the link to in your own post as well as certain other posts that this individual you’ve told me about has made on BLOODYROARHQ, I’ve got to say that I’m pretty disappointed with the webmaster for allowing someone with such an immature, single-minded mentality become one of his site’s moderators. I also hope that this “K”/”khentimentiu” individual learns sooner or later down the road that there is truth behind the old adage of how one can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Then again, that’s assuming that he hasn’t learned this lesson already.

      Also, let it be known across the board that I don’t support ignorance, especially the kind you’re talking about. I still respect the Bloody Roar franchise for what it’s worth, and I have no ill will towards any sane, rational member of any fanbase, Bloody Roar or otherwise. Fanbrats, on the other hand, are a whole different matter; many is the fanbase that has them them, and yeah, such people are a disgrace to those fanbases. Sadly, the only things we all can do about such characters are a) ignore them and, failing that, b) call them out on their stupidity when simple dismissal of them is no longer an option.

      As for my BR Reboot, don’t worry; I still intend to finishing it eventually, once I finally give myself the time to do so after completing my latest project. Just sit tight in the meantime, though, for it might be a while yet. Aside from that, thank you for your response, and happy reading until we meet again!

    • Hey, that “SephiVA” who posted in that same thread character isn’t much better. What a crybaby! Whining about “Back to the Cave” being “condescending” just for trying to explain how oversensitive soccer moms might be to see a transgender character as offensive. Worse yet, it took him A FULL MONTH to respond to BttC on top of that. Pathetic sloth!

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