Poem of the Week: The ABCs of Modern-Day Pro Wrestling

Happy Father’s Day, readers!

For this week’s “Poem of the Week,” I’ve managed to compose yet another alphabet poem, this time discussing the problems that certain wrestling fans see in professional wrestling these days. If you happen to be a pro wrestling fan yourself and either agree or disagree with some of the sentiments shared in this poem, feel free to discuss your views in the comments section below. Chances are that there’s been a point or two that I’ve neglected to cover in this composition that you feel is necessary to discuss. Otherwise, here’s hoping that you enjoy The ABCs of Modern-Day Pro Wrestling.


The ABCs of Modern-Day Pro Wrestling
June 10, 2013

A is for aggravating and agitating—so hard to watch.
B is for how bothered I get every time I see a botch.
C is for every character that’s so fake and contrived.
D is for the drug-based deaths of far one too many guys.
E is for every error I see in a promotion’s booking.
F is for all the floozies on TV who aren’t even good-looking.
G is for the greatness that the worthy are denied.
H is for every homegrown talent who gets left behind.
I is for the immaturity of certain stars on Twitter.
J is for every jackass who, in interviews, shows how he’s bitter.
K is for Kickstarter—no start for a wrestling company.
L is for every legend whom today’s stars might never be.
M is for the messiness of too many storylines.
N is for the nasty locker room noise I’d like left behind.
O is for the obnoxiousness of certain commentators.
P is for the piss-poor promos that make no sense now or later.
Q is for quitting, which I think certain promoters ought to do
While R is for the ridiculousness by which they tell fans, “Screw you!”
S is for the superficiality we’re expected to buy.
T is for too many twits amongst fans like you and I.
U is for the ugly truth that the glory days are gone.
V is for the venom I’ve been gagging down for so long.
W is for what wrestling fans can do to lend a hand.
X is for that “X-Factor” that’s missing from this wasteland.
Y is for all the yakking away that won’t solve anything.
Z is for Zounds!” when it all disappears and we feel its painful sting.

To think, too, that I’ve only scratched the surface with these rhymes,
But seeing as I’m out of letters, I’ll carry on at a later time.
Until then, when it comes to wrestling, I’m leaving my TV off
For fear that I’ll end up seeing something else that’ll make me scoff.
After all, what’s the point of watching something that I hate
When I can simply look for something else to put on my plate?
All in all, though I want the wrestling industry to succeed,
I refuse to succumb to my own personal pride and greed
And watch it just to whine about it like so many fellow fans do
And instead take a break and hope it improves for the rest of you.


This hereby concludes this week’s “Poem of the Week.” Thank you to all who have stopped by to read it, and Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. As for you wrestling fans, I hope you found this enjoyable, and again, if you have any feedback, feel free to leave it, so long as it’s civilized. Otherwise, as always, please check out my author pages to check out my current publications (Smashwords.com, Amazon.com,
and Amazon.co.uk), and as always, happy reading!

Dustin M. Weber


9 thoughts on “Poem of the Week: The ABCs of Modern-Day Pro Wrestling

  1. Mickie James is the most overrated women’s wrestler of all time. To Hell with anyone else who thinks otherwise, especially every braindead little bastard and bitch in the Mickie Militia. She’s sloppy in the ring, grating on the mic, and isn’t even that good-looking, especially with that feces-eating smile of hers…

    …and yet TNA Wrestling has been showcasing this bitch as their top Knockout since her company debut in the fall of 2010. What a travesty!

    Screw you, Mickie James—figuratively, of course, and NOT literally. YOU SUCK! Always have, always will.

    • Yeah, I hate her with a burning passion, too…almost as much as I hate her crazed zombie fanbrats, the so-called “Mickie Maniacs”…or are they the “Mick Clique?” Either way, I hate them all. Typical WWE sheep they are, thinking she’s the greatest women’s wrestler in the world (Yeah, right!) just because that jackass Vince McMahon hyped her up back in the day to be just that, what with her six championship reigns and with such talented women wrestlers as Natalya Neidhart, Katie Lea Burchill, and yes, even Jillian Hall (criminally underrated wrestler masked by an asinine Britney Spears wannabe gimmick and further hated unjustly by her naysayers for being “ugly” just because she’s not a supposed all-out “wrestling goddess” like Mickie) got their hindquarters BURIED in the wake of her reign of terror. Don’t bother trying to offer them even a CONSTRUCTIVE argument, though, on why she sucks, else they’ll tear you apart like the pack of bloodthirsty little trolls they are.

      Oh, and don’t even get me started on her country music “career.” She’s nowhere NEAR the caliber of even Taylor Swift, much less Dolly Parton or Reba McEntire, when it comes to producing quality country music. I dare you to even TRY to find her album on iTunes alongside the likes of other female wrestling personalities Maria Kanellis or Christy Hemme. That alone ought to tell you just how sought-after her music really is, despite what the “Mickie Maniacs/Mick Clique” would tell you.

      Honestly, Mickie James is the wrestling world’s biggest joke—at least as far as women’s wrestling is concerned…and her fanbase sucks worse than even Jeff Hardy’s cult of followers AND the Cenation COMBINED. I honestly feel sorry, too, for her rational fans, for if it weren’t for their louder, more obnoxious, more childish brethren making them take the back seat, the fanbase would actually be tolerable.

      • You forgot to mention Sereena Deeb as one of the talented gals who was buried when Piggy James was running amok in WWE.

  2. So Cal Val even deserves the TNA Knockouts Championship more than Mickie James does. Mickie James sucks @$$! End of story.

    • LOL! Interesting thought—the bit about So Cal Val, that is.

      Personally, I wish TNA would have sent Val up to Shimmer once upon a time several years back to be trained as a full-fledged Knockout and become more than just a ring girl/valet. She is a third-generation member of the Windham family, after all, and I honestly think that having that familial connection while also being an active employee with any wrestling company, specifically a major one, would have had some influence on her knowledge of the wrestling business and how she could have handled herself as an official in-ring participant, should the event that I am suggesting have happened. Then, she could have changed her name to Valerie Windham and basically become TNA’s equivalent to WWE’s very own Trish Stratus, and under those circumstances, who knows? Maybe she would’ve gained the respect of the TNA fanbase as a whole, smart mark and casual fan alike. Alas, that hasn’t happened, and the time for such a thing to happen has passed by a good six, seven years by this point. Oh, well…such is a lost opportunityfor TNA…kinda similar to the program I’d proposed between Boom Boom the Volcano and Lana Star back in my article on WOW from June 12, 2012.

  3. Dude, you ought to have seen last night’s Raw (7/8/2013). Looks like WWE is slowly but surely cleaning up its act.

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