Poem of the Week: Betty and the Yeti

Hey, readers!

For this installment of my “Poem of the Week” segment, I’ll be providing for you yet another limerick chain similar to The Ranting Game: A Limerick Chain, Flynn the Miserable, What Goes Around Comes Around, Jack!, and Brit the Brazen. Interestingly enough, however, I was inspired to write this particular poem on account of my experiences playing the popular Match 3 game Puzzle Quest 2 by D3 Publisher and Infinite Interactive and my long-standing feud against a particular monster whom the player is expected to defeat in order to complete one of the game’s many side quests. Chances are that if any of you have chanced to play this particular game, just might be able to relate…until you finally find out the secret to conquering the fell beast, of course. That’s neither here nor there, though, so without further ado, here’s Betty and the Yeti. Please enjoy!

*****

Betty and the Yeti

October 21, 2012

 

I once knew a girl named Betty

Who used to get angry and sweaty

While playing this one game

‘Cause it drove her insane

When she reached this one boss, the Yeti.

 

This creature so often did defeat her

That she swore the dumb thing did cheat her,

Pulling aces out of his sleeves

To the point where he’d leave

Her in a crumpled heap once he did beat her.

 

Naturally, then, this’d make her cry,

Beat herself up and wonder why

She just couldn’t see

Herself tasting victory

Over this one fictitious hairy guy.

 

To be honest, I’m actually surprised,

What with how many tears poured from her eyes,

At the fact that she didn’t break

Her computer in the wake

Of the fifteenth time her avatar died.

 

No, instead, despite her pique

And the outcome of her future being bleak,

She kept plugging away

Until she saw the day

She walloped that fang-faced freak.

 

She kept trying out new strategies,

Switching ‘round her armament as she pleased,

And upgrading her spell book

To see which spells overtook

Her enemy and helped bring him to his knees,

 

And when things still didn’t turn out right,

She’d consult certain gaming websites

To see what tips they had

In bringing down the big bad

And hoped to prove such strategies right.

 

Once she had all the tools she required

To produce the results she desired,

She once again returned

To the Yeti’s lair, where she yearned

To finally make the fell beast expire.

 

The battle was long and hard,

Especially for someone as scarred

As poor Betty’d been

Yet she refused to give in,

For she just didn’t see failure in the cards.

 

She applied every tactic she’d learned,

And so eagerly and vengefully she yearned

To bring the monster his comeuppance

And make him dance his last dance,

No matter how hot her PC monitor burned.

 

At first, she had the upper hand,

But then she found herself muttering, “Damn!”

For the Yeti would retaliate

And nearly annihilate

Betty’s avatar with one single slam.

 

Betty then breathed deeply and calmed down,

Vowing to herself to stand her ground,

Then took note of what was failing

And keeping her from prevailing,

Wondering how she could turn things around.

 

She examined her options and then

Revised her strategy once again,

Figuring out what she could do

To help see her through

The battle and seek her moment of zen.

 

Sure enough, her “Plan B” was paying off,

For the Yeti was soon growing soft,

And as his strength whittled away,

Betty swore it was the day,

The thought of which kept her spirits aloft.

 

Soon, the beast could only take one more blow,

And at that moment, our heroine did know

She was going in for the kill,

Which, to her, was quite a thrill

So much that my excitement did grow.

 

Sadly, just when vict’ry was in her grip,

She made one itsy-bitsy little slip;

She zigged when she should have zagged,

And her hopes were as such bagged,

And boy, did she feel like such a dip,

 

For once her carelessness played out,

The Yeti made his final comeback during the bout,

And with his breath as cold as ice

Made poor Betty pay the price

As a cloud of frost burst from his mouth

 

And encased Betty’s avatar within

A block of ice, which was by no means thin.

Hence, Betty hung her head,

For her avatar was now dead,

All because of the mood she was in—

 

All because she got carried away

In her belief that at last had come the day

When he enemy’d be vanquished,

And presently, she wished

That things didn’t turn out that way.

 

It was then that I stood up from my chair

And told her, “Hey, don’t feel so bad there.

We all make mistakes,

But so long as you’ve what it takes

To learn from how he whipped your derriere,

 

The you still have an ace up your sleeve

And when combined with your will to believe,

You’ll finally best your foe

And won’t feel so much woe,

So please, don’t be so quick to grieve.”

 

She thanked me and gave me a smile,

Then stepped away for a while

For a quick bite of food—

Certainly not to be rude,

For I knew that that wasn’t her style.

 

Neither was giving up, for that matter,

For even then, I could hear the clatter

Of the gears within her mind,

And oh, how they did grind

Out images of Betty being bigger and badder

 

As a player of that game in days ahead

With machinations dancing in her head,

And I almost pitied the Yeti,

For the next time he fought Betty,

The fell creature would surely end up dead.

*****

Well, that’s pretty much a wrap for this week. Hopefully, regardless of whether or not you’re a fan of Puzzle Quest 2, you’ve found this week’s poem entertaining. In the meantime, thank you for stopping by my humble little blog, and as always, please check out my author page at Smashwords.com for current and future releases, and follow me on Twitter @DustinMWeber. Until we meet again, then, happy reading!

Regards,

Dustin M. Weber

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