For this installment of my “Poem of the Week” segment, I’ll be providing for you yet another limerick chain similar to The Ranting Game: A Limerick Chain, Flynn the Miserable, What Goes Around Comes Around, Jack!, and Brit the Brazen. Interestingly enough, however, I was inspired to write this particular poem on account of my experiences playing the popular Match 3 game Puzzle Quest 2 by D3 Publisher and Infinite Interactive and my long-standing feud against a particular monster whom the player is expected to defeat in order to complete one of the game’s many side quests. Chances are that if any of you have chanced to play this particular game, just might be able to relate…until you finally find out the secret to conquering the fell beast, of course. That’s neither here nor there, though, so without further ado, here’s Betty and the Yeti. Please enjoy!
Betty and the Yeti
October 21, 2012
I once knew a girl named Betty
Who used to get angry and sweaty
While playing this one game
‘Cause it drove her insane
When she reached this one boss, the Yeti.
This creature so often did defeat her
That she swore the dumb thing did cheat her,
Pulling aces out of his sleeves
To the point where he’d leave
Her in a crumpled heap once he did beat her.
Naturally, then, this’d make her cry,
Beat herself up and wonder why
She just couldn’t see
Herself tasting victory
Over this one fictitious hairy guy.
To be honest, I’m actually surprised,
What with how many tears poured from her eyes,
At the fact that she didn’t break
Her computer in the wake
Of the fifteenth time her avatar died.
No, instead, despite her pique
And the outcome of her future being bleak,
She kept plugging away
Until she saw the day
She walloped that fang-faced freak.
She kept trying out new strategies,
Switching ‘round her armament as she pleased,
And upgrading her spell book
To see which spells overtook
Her enemy and helped bring him to his knees,
And when things still didn’t turn out right,
She’d consult certain gaming websites
To see what tips they had
In bringing down the big bad
And hoped to prove such strategies right.
Once she had all the tools she required
To produce the results she desired,
She once again returned
To the Yeti’s lair, where she yearned
To finally make the fell beast expire.
The battle was long and hard,
Especially for someone as scarred
As poor Betty’d been
Yet she refused to give in,
For she just didn’t see failure in the cards.
She applied every tactic she’d learned,
And so eagerly and vengefully she yearned
To bring the monster his comeuppance
And make him dance his last dance,
No matter how hot her PC monitor burned.
At first, she had the upper hand,
But then she found herself muttering, “Damn!”
For the Yeti would retaliate
And nearly annihilate
Betty’s avatar with one single slam.
Betty then breathed deeply and calmed down,
Vowing to herself to stand her ground,
Then took note of what was failing
And keeping her from prevailing,
Wondering how she could turn things around.
She examined her options and then
Revised her strategy once again,
Figuring out what she could do
To help see her through
The battle and seek her moment of zen.
Sure enough, her “Plan B” was paying off,
For the Yeti was soon growing soft,
And as his strength whittled away,
Betty swore it was the day,
The thought of which kept her spirits aloft.
Soon, the beast could only take one more blow,
And at that moment, our heroine did know
She was going in for the kill,
Which, to her, was quite a thrill
So much that my excitement did grow.
Sadly, just when vict’ry was in her grip,
She made one itsy-bitsy little slip;
She zigged when she should have zagged,
And her hopes were as such bagged,
And boy, did she feel like such a dip,
For once her carelessness played out,
The Yeti made his final comeback during the bout,
And with his breath as cold as ice
Made poor Betty pay the price
As a cloud of frost burst from his mouth
And encased Betty’s avatar within
A block of ice, which was by no means thin.
Hence, Betty hung her head,
For her avatar was now dead,
All because of the mood she was in—
All because she got carried away
In her belief that at last had come the day
When he enemy’d be vanquished,
And presently, she wished
That things didn’t turn out that way.
It was then that I stood up from my chair
And told her, “Hey, don’t feel so bad there.
We all make mistakes,
But so long as you’ve what it takes
To learn from how he whipped your derriere,
The you still have an ace up your sleeve
And when combined with your will to believe,
You’ll finally best your foe
And won’t feel so much woe,
So please, don’t be so quick to grieve.”
She thanked me and gave me a smile,
Then stepped away for a while
For a quick bite of food—
Certainly not to be rude,
For I knew that that wasn’t her style.
Neither was giving up, for that matter,
For even then, I could hear the clatter
Of the gears within her mind,
And oh, how they did grind
Out images of Betty being bigger and badder
As a player of that game in days ahead
With machinations dancing in her head,
And I almost pitied the Yeti,
For the next time he fought Betty,
The fell creature would surely end up dead.
Well, that’s pretty much a wrap for this week. Hopefully, regardless of whether or not you’re a fan of Puzzle Quest 2, you’ve found this week’s poem entertaining. In the meantime, thank you for stopping by my humble little blog, and as always, please check out my author page at Smashwords.com for current and future releases, and follow me on Twitter @DustinMWeber. Until we meet again, then, happy reading!
Dustin M. Weber