Poem of the Week: Big Dumb Wally

Hey, readers!

You know what I usually find myself thinking about this time of year as I have been since my high school days? Football…and no, I don’t mean soccer necessarily, even though I have nothing against that sport in the slightest. Rather, I’m talking good old-fashioned American football—you know, helmets, big shoulder pads, barreling towards the opposition’s end zone with an oblong ball in one’s hand in hopes of scoring a touchdown and all that jazz. It just so happens, too, that I’d managed to write up a poem the other day about a football coach who, once upon a time, happened to live up to the whole macho-man stereotype and give much grief to many a poor kid who had the misfortune of having him as his or her gym teacher. You all know the type, too, I’m sure. Heck, we all do: loud, obnoxious, rude, crude, and despite not being the intellectual type at all, still capable of suffering the ill-fated folly of not being quite as tough as he (or sometimes she) tries so hard to be. The question for this poem, however, is this: Does our friend Wally manage to overcome this complex as it is presented, or does he forever remain a glorified bully? I’ll kindly let you all read on and find out for yourselves.

Warning: The language used in this particular poem may or may not be suitable for certain audiences. Reader discretion is strongly advised.


Big Dumb Wally

July 16, 2012


Big Dumb Wally’s life was a folly

‘Cause he liked to act big and tough,

Picking on those meeker, quieter or weaker

Than he was, making their lives rough,

Working at the school, treating students like fools

For not getting lessons right away,

Not being a real man by giving them a hand

‘Cause callousness was just his way.

Even at home when he was all alone,

He’d be a macho-boy on the ‘Net,

Trolling message boards ‘cause he was apparently bored,

Trying to get the other posters upset.

“LOL, dis crap’s gay” was just one thing he’d say

When he’d see something not meant to be real,

Calling the people involved “wussies” or, worse yet, “pussies”

‘Cause he was too dumb to know their deal.

Further proof of his low class was how he’d bean ass

When defending that which he actually liked.

Profanities he’d be splurgin’ and critics he’d call “virgins”

Even though he himself’d never slept with his wife.

When that proved ineffectual, he’d go pseudo intellectual

And look for suckers to expose,

Correcting their tongue and acting all high-strung

Whenever he was dealt a verbal blow.

As for counterattacks, he’d try to cover his back

With logic so verbose and flawed

That further showed his thin skin, hence his opponents did win

As they shut down his precious cause.

One day it got so bad that he really got mad

With the opposing poster’s bit

That he spewed back some crap, TYPING IN ALL CAPS

Before shutting his account down in a fit.

After a moment of some quiet reflection,

He took some deep breaths and calmed down,

And when he came to see how his manners came to be,

He at last chose to turn things around.

Eventually Wally became quite jolly

And helpful towards the gym class kids,

Actually helping out those whom he used to bring woe

Unto, and ‘twas nice that he did,

For it meant no more bullying nor petty, macho sullying

His career or his reputation,

For Lord knows what’d take place if he’d further disgrace

Himself and the other men of this nation

By being a pushy tool, a loudmouth, and a fool,

And a full-blown belligerent ass.

All the same, it’s still sad. For there are others just as bad

As he once was, save with even less class.

Sad as it is to take such news, we must make

With what we’ve got, one soul at a time,

Hoping they’ll all come to terms with what Wally here had learned

As documented in this narrative of mine.


And now for some writer-reader interaction: Have you ever known anyone who was a bully? How did he/she treat those whom he/she bullied? Did he/she ever rise above his/her deplorable ways in a way similar to the way in which Wally had here in this poem and change for the better? Feel free to share.

Otherwise, thank you all once again for reading, and as always, please carry on visiting me at my author page at Smashwords.com and following me on Twitter @DustinMWeber. Otherwise, until next time, happy reading!


Dustin M. Weber


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